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i’m so worried for the future. while i try to just live in the present, iā€˜m afraid ill never be able to really make it in any art, and it will just be relegated to hobby. i’ve always been an artist, i’ve been writing, and painting, singing, and acting since i was a child. there’s nothing i feel more deeply in my bones than artistry. there is nothing i feel defines me more, i am full of an insatiable providence to engage and really make something. i don’t care what it is, if it’s music, or acting in films, or physical art, i an ordained to act as a vessel for things to be seen. but i understand, its not a career of value, or the industry is competitive, and it breaks my heart to think i may never be able to fully commit myself to it all.
already, i find myself making exceptions, applying as a film studies major, because it would be more versatile, but still allow me to work closely with those circles. if i can’t be within i can stay close. but i will miss it, sidelined, benched.
i guess i’m in early mourning of a dream.
Jun 1, 2025

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I think even in your worst case scenario - when you make it a hobby and the pressure's off - you could still have a pleasant surprise and find a career. I'm optimistic for you! (But also yes - the grief is hard to bear)
Jun 1, 2025

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Applying for things as an artist, looking for careers (haha) and an MFA is so castrating. It also feels paradoxical. Whenever I write a project proposal or a cover letter trying to ā€˜stand out’ against another bunch of equally talented and determined people makes me feel like cattle. (love u guys tho). How am I supposed to stand out when I am working under a regime? The other proof of creative prowess is IRL- getting yourself out of sticky situations (i.e., unemployment, shit job, parents’ house) CREATIVELY. use your skills! they are an advantage! I didnt pay for a Bfa for nothing- I can’t write an essay, but I can certainly throw a good art party. no shade to any mfas, this post is mainly out of spite ā¤ļø
Jul 4, 2025
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just had an epiphany about how everyone seeks something different from art, how we all perceive it based on who we are as individuals … for the longest time in art/film school i’ve been scared to pursue the art i want out of fear that it will turn out very bad.
but i hope we make art anyway despite that fear, as long as it sustains ourselves and the people who matter. i hope we all get to freely make ā€œbadā€ art šŸ«‚
Mar 12, 2025
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was talking to my best friend this morning. Does anyone else feel an enormous burden to become rich and famous because they pursue the arts? I feel like a large amount of people don’t appreciate artists unless they become widely recognized. It’s discouraging and upsetting! It makes me rewire what I think the word ā€œsuccessā€œ means.

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okay and I asked the stars and they told me to tell u that u suck 🤷
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