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i was 9 years old when my next door neighbor showed me the delightful scent of a laundry detergent tab. she liked sniffing it and i couldn't agree more with her take. we didn't have that sort of thing in my house- mother was liquid. but we did have solid washing machine detergent, so i supplemented my new interest with that and toted around the solid detergent in my school bag- smelling it when i needed a bit of comfort, kind of like a blanky, which yes obviously i had one of those too. unfortuately, the little cube started to crack in my bag, covering everything, including my snacks, in weird soapy crumbs. i started to feel insecure about the whole thing, like is this kind of weird that i'm carrying solid detergent now to school? So, i put it in the trash. i walked there quietly, wrapped it up in a piece of paper and threw it away and went back to my seat. for some god forsaken reason, my teacher that day decided we should do a lesson on trash. so she emptied out the can on a table and went through everything that had been thrown away that day; apple cores, pencil sharpenings, and unfortunately, my mother's solid dish washing machine detergent. i wish i was kidding.
i agonized watching the table, the detergent like a lightning bolt, the only thing i'm looking at, seizing every ounce of my attention. hoping to god she just misses it. she doesn't. in fact she picks it up, sniffs it. starts saying "WHAT IS THIS" and saying "WHO THREW THIS AWAY" and the whole time im silent. sitting there in fear. i'm sweating. no one says anything. everyone is looking at each other and i continue to omit, an important distinction- not a lie. it's stressful, it feels like it lasts an eternity. she's looking at us all in the eyes wondering who is gonna crack. she will not let it go. continually, at least in my memory, WAILING. and if there was one thing i was sure of, it was that if i did confess, my new name would be soapy or something idk lol so i sat there. let my back cover in sweat. poker face. poker face mary they could have called me. she finally relented. we moved on. i was free. but i will never forget my first mass omission (again not a lie.......... ) weirdly the teacher later died of slurping on a tide pod on one of those challenges in 2018
ok that bit isnt true
i agonized watching the table, the detergent like a lightning bolt, the only thing i'm looking at, seizing every ounce of my attention. hoping to god she just misses it. she doesn't. in fact she picks it up, sniffs it. starts saying "WHAT IS THIS" and saying "WHO THREW THIS AWAY" and the whole time im silent. sitting there in fear. i'm sweating. no one says anything. everyone is looking at each other and i continue to omit, an important distinction- not a lie. it's stressful, it feels like it lasts an eternity. she's looking at us all in the eyes wondering who is gonna crack. she will not let it go. continually, at least in my memory, WAILING. and if there was one thing i was sure of, it was that if i did confess, my new name would be soapy or something idk lol so i sat there. let my back cover in sweat. poker face. poker face mary they could have called me. she finally relented. we moved on. i was free. but i will never forget my first mass omission (again not a lie.......... ) weirdly the teacher later died of slurping on a tide pod on one of those challenges in 2018
ok that bit isnt true
May 28, 2025
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🤮@ERRATICCOMPENDIUM’s response reminded me…
For a while in seventh grade my more normal friends were blended with my very strange goth and emo friends; I sometimes acted as their twisted ringleader.
It was Thanksgiving lunch day in the cafeteria… some of us brought lunch packed by our parents and some of us ate the food served by the school. I had the brilliant idea to mix a piece of each item from everyone’s lunch in one of my sandwich bags. So there was a piece of my Nutella and peanut butter sandwich, a chip and whatever else was in my lunch; bits from other packed lunches; and an item from each Thanksgiving dish—a piece of turkey, a glob of gravy, a dollop of mashed potatoes, a couple of chunks of stuffing, etc.
I smashed it up in the bag into a semi-homogeneous paste and insisted that we all smell it. It went around the table to a couple of us who evidently had nostrils of steel. When it got to one friend (who happened to have the same name as me), just a whiff of the bag’s contents made her puke, and the puke accidentally got into the bag.
I told everyone they had to smell it again.
This set off a chain reaction of vomiting from several other people. Our very tall vice principal was not happy with me but he also didn’t seem to be surprised—I terrorized him often, as i had a huge crush on his very short son and hoped he would someday be my father in law. Sawdust was everywhere. I am very sorry to my school janitorial staff but it was beautiful… despite the gastric upset some of us were experiencing, we were all laughing hysterically. Thereafter, we referred to it fondly, simply as “the bag”
For a while in seventh grade my more normal friends were blended with my very strange goth and emo friends; I sometimes acted as their twisted ringleader.
It was Thanksgiving lunch day in the cafeteria… some of us brought lunch packed by our parents and some of us ate the food served by the school. I had the brilliant idea to mix a piece of each item from everyone’s lunch in one of my sandwich bags. So there was a piece of my Nutella and peanut butter sandwich, a chip and whatever else was in my lunch; bits from other packed lunches; and an item from each Thanksgiving dish—a piece of turkey, a glob of gravy, a dollop of mashed potatoes, a couple of chunks of stuffing, etc.
I smashed it up in the bag into a semi-homogeneous paste and insisted that we all smell it. It went around the table to a couple of us who evidently had nostrils of steel. When it got to one friend (who happened to have the same name as me), just a whiff of the bag’s contents made her puke, and the puke accidentally got into the bag.
I told everyone they had to smell it again.
This set off a chain reaction of vomiting from several other people. Our very tall vice principal was not happy with me but he also didn’t seem to be surprised—I terrorized him often, as i had a huge crush on his very short son and hoped he would someday be my father in law. Sawdust was everywhere. I am very sorry to my school janitorial staff but it was beautiful… despite the gastric upset some of us were experiencing, we were all laughing hysterically. Thereafter, we referred to it fondly, simply as “the bag”
Jul 16, 2025
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🦑We had an AP biology teacher who according to rumor and anecdotal observation over the years would always seat girls with the biggest chests in front (you know I was seated in the veryyyy back).
As a vegetarian I conscientiously objected to dissecting squids and he said that was fine but that he would give me an alternate activity which is standard practice. The alternate activity was that he had me clean the squid guts off of the lab tables (which were also our desks) as people sat there and had them watch in silence. He gave live commentary as I cleaned and I eventually burst into tears from the embarrassment. People were actually so sweet and came up to me later and apologized that I had to go through that and a petition went around to get him fired.
The petition was unsuccessful but he was later fired because he got caught WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY ON HIS SCHOOL COMPUTER DURING SCHOOL HOURSSSSS!!!!!!
The petition was unsuccessful but he was later fired because he got caught WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY ON HIS SCHOOL COMPUTER DURING SCHOOL HOURSSSSS!!!!!!
Apr 26, 2024
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💰in retrospect this isn’t that big of a deal but i went to a very small boarding school of about 500 girls in a very small, conservative town where literally nothing happens and everyone knows everything about EVERYONE, so this was a big thing for US, but might not be for many.
so there was this new girl that joined the school in grade 9, and she joined my homeroom class and was pretty nice. she was a little off beat, but for the most part everything seemed pretty okay and normal. we ironically started calling each other “best friend” until we eventually became friends.
she was a big spender. she’s buying at the tuckshop at break, after school, before school like every day. and mind you, we are boarders, most of us get a small allowance every month to go to town, to order food, buy essentials etc. i know the allowance of most people was not enough to buy from the tuckshop everyday. and i just thought damn, this girl must be rich rich.
people quickly picked up on this though, and started asking her for money at the tuckshop. myself included. from grades 9-11 i used to be a tuckshop hustler (a damn good one at that!), like ask everyone for R2 until i had enough to buy a meal. but this girl would either just buy you the meal or just give out R10, R20, R50. and this id a lot of money! when business was slow i’d settle for a packet of chips and juice and that would come to about R8, the cheapest meal was a chip roll and that was about R13 and the most expensive was a wrap which was around R25 (if i remember correctly.) so she’d just give out this money to MULTIPLE people throughout the day. i genuinely thought she was a BALLER! she had told me that she was switching schools, i don’t remember why, but she ended up leaving later that year. it was only AFTER she left that i heard that she used to steal people’s money.
so in her hostel they used to have sleepovers on the weekends and every week it was a different room. she would (allegedly) go to these sleepovers and steal people’s money. i also found out that my class had chipped in money to buy me a gift, (birthdays were very big at our school and i had the first birthday in my class). turns out she stole it too!
this is very underwhelming, but like just imagine this playing out like in an episode of derry girls yk
so there was this new girl that joined the school in grade 9, and she joined my homeroom class and was pretty nice. she was a little off beat, but for the most part everything seemed pretty okay and normal. we ironically started calling each other “best friend” until we eventually became friends.
she was a big spender. she’s buying at the tuckshop at break, after school, before school like every day. and mind you, we are boarders, most of us get a small allowance every month to go to town, to order food, buy essentials etc. i know the allowance of most people was not enough to buy from the tuckshop everyday. and i just thought damn, this girl must be rich rich.
people quickly picked up on this though, and started asking her for money at the tuckshop. myself included. from grades 9-11 i used to be a tuckshop hustler (a damn good one at that!), like ask everyone for R2 until i had enough to buy a meal. but this girl would either just buy you the meal or just give out R10, R20, R50. and this id a lot of money! when business was slow i’d settle for a packet of chips and juice and that would come to about R8, the cheapest meal was a chip roll and that was about R13 and the most expensive was a wrap which was around R25 (if i remember correctly.) so she’d just give out this money to MULTIPLE people throughout the day. i genuinely thought she was a BALLER! she had told me that she was switching schools, i don’t remember why, but she ended up leaving later that year. it was only AFTER she left that i heard that she used to steal people’s money.
so in her hostel they used to have sleepovers on the weekends and every week it was a different room. she would (allegedly) go to these sleepovers and steal people’s money. i also found out that my class had chipped in money to buy me a gift, (birthdays were very big at our school and i had the first birthday in my class). turns out she stole it too!
this is very underwhelming, but like just imagine this playing out like in an episode of derry girls yk
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⭐as i sit on the eve of my 32nd birthday, i'm not really too worn down about the actual age. it's more everything that's to come that stresses me out. feeling like i've worked hard for what we've always known to be the way we currently live, and knowing that each day we sleep walk into a future less and less like our past. i'm not against change, but i want some things in life to retain the promise of what we grew up with. i hope i can rid myself of everyday social media this year, hope i can only browse on my computer and not my phone and remember the days of logging into facebook on a fake android and it taking days to give you a single status update. how frustrating it was, and we didnt know it was bliss. maybe thats the lesson!!
Jun 2, 2025
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in what was a euphoric 5 miles on the lost coast trail, nepenthe was my only soundtrack.
until i ate shit and hobbled back on a second degree ankle sprain and questioned all my life choices lol
May 25, 2025