Kind of applicable to this situation I think it’s really a matter of picking your battles. I love Rick Hanson’s Just One Thing newsletter and this was what came to my inbox from him today! Needed to hear this…
You know you’re quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated, especially with that sticky feeling that you’re just not gonna quit until you’ve won.
Quarrels happen both out in the open, between people, and inside the mind, like when you make a case in your head about another person or keep revisiting an argument to make your point more forcefully. We quarrel most with family and friends – imagine that! But also with people on TV, or politicians and groups we don’t like. We can even quarrel with conditions in life (such as an illness or tight money) or with physical objects, like a sticky drawer slammed shut in anger.
However they happen, quarrels are stressful, activating the ancient fight-or-flight machinery in your brain and body: a bit of this won’t harm you, but a regular diet of quarreling is not good for your long-term physical and mental health.
May 28, 2025
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this was helpful for me today
among other things, challenged me to consider if some of my quarrelsomeness at people/things in front of me today is in fact because I'm still tugging some threads of quarreling with people, things, and circumstances in my past
thank you!
May 29, 2025
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Conflict is a part of daily life Dont fight it
Oct 25, 2024
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maybe this is just an oldest sibling thing but growing up i always felt like i had to interfere and be the moderator for family fights, which i quickly found out was so bad for my mental health.. ultimately i don't think they want to be fighting either and they'll always find solutions on their own
u can't and shouldn't be able to control everything including whether or not your family is getting along... u also just cant stress yourself out over other peoples' beef.. got enough to worry about in ur own life
May 9, 2025
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Everyone deserves to acknowledge the things that hurt them and the fact that past traumas can make you anxious/make it more difficult to perform tasks that may seem easy for others. That however, does not mean you should go ahead and use those events as ammunition to excuse yourself from being a kind, respectful human being.
For instance, let's say you have roommates and they've kindly let you know several times that you need to clean up after yourself as the apartment is getting messy and it's a shared space. Despite them asking nicely, you accuse them of triggering you because being told to clean reminds you of the toxic relationship you had with your parents at home. All of a sudden they are now actively attacking your mental health and they have to either clean up after you since you refuse to do so or continue leaving the apartment a mess until you potentially change your mind. (I know this this might seem like an extreme example, but I've witnessed something very similar irl and there's far too many tiktoks of people mentioning similar experiences for me to think this is a singular experience.)
Now look, it is important to inform others of our limitations so that there's less friction as we navigate different environments and work on ourselves, but weaponizing the terminology we learn in therapy or online to victimize yourself and blame others for shrugging off your own responsibilities is far from healing. We share this planet with a bunch of other people, we are not isolated ecosystems. And as much as we can ask others to accommodate us, we must also do some internal work ourselves to meet them halfway.
We all are fighting our own personal demons and merit the space to address them, but there is a massive difference between understanding our issues to heal and grow from them versus using them to excuse destructive actions and accuse others of triggering us for suggesting alternatives/challenging our perspectives.
Nov 27, 2024
Top Recs from @taterhole
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌
Feb 23, 2025
May 28, 2025
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I’ve been thinking about how much of social media is centered around curating our self-image. When selfies first became popular, they were dismissed as vain and vapid—a critique often rooted in misogyny—but now, the way we craft our online selves feels more like creating monuments.
We try to signal our individuality, hoping to be seen and understood, but ironically, I think this widens the gap between how others perceive us and who we really are. Instead of fostering connection, it can invite projection and misinterpretation—preconceived notions, prefab labels, and stereotypes. Worse, individuality has become branded and commodified, reducing our identities to products for others to consume.
On most platforms, validation often comes from how well you can curate and present your image—selfies, aesthetic branding, and lifestyle content tend to dominate. High engagement is tied to visibility, not necessarily depth or substance. But I think spaces like PI.FYI show that there’s another way: where connection is built on shared ideas, tastes, and interests rather than surface-level content. It’s refreshing to be part of a community that values thoughts over optics.
By sharing so few images of myself, I’ve found that it gives others room to focus on my ideas and voice. When I do share an image, it feels intentional—something that contributes to the story I want to tell rather than defining it. Sharing less allows me to express who I am beyond appearance.
For women, especially, sharing less can be a radical act in a world where the default is to objectify ourselves. It resists the pressure to center appearance, focusing instead on what truly matters: our thoughts, voices, and authenticity. I’ve posted a handful of pictures of myself in 2,500 posts because I care more about showing who I am than how I look.
In trying to be seen, are we making it harder for others to truly know us? It’s a question worth considering.
Dec 27, 2024