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I just got broken up with
there’s a straNge kind of beauty in this sadness. not tHe kind anyone would wish for, but the kind that makes you rEalize you’re alive in the deepest way. it’s raw — and somewhere beneath it, i admire myself for feeling it. for not turning away. for staying soft, even as something inSide me breaks.
it’s not freeing. it’s not relief. it just is. this matters. this was real.
i feel everything, and though it weiGhs me down, there’s a strAnge moment where i see myself clearly in the sorrOw. so alive in my sadness. so real.
May 25, 2025
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there’s something strange about the headAche that follows a good cry. it lingers. an aching reminder that the tEars were real. that the sadness was deep. the thrObbing in my temPles feels like a weight. but also a strange clarity. when everything seems blurred and raw. the mind is sharp in a way it’s neVer been before. it’s as though the heart and tHe mind have found a rhythm together. a rhythm that only comes with the quiet aftermath of pain.
it’s during this vulnerability - when tHe world feels heavy and silent that creativity flows best. when sadness wears away the surface - the soul has space to create without barriers. there’s honesty in it, a kind of bruTal truth that can only emerge from the deepest emotions. the ache. thouGh painful. clears the path for something new to emErge. it’s almost as if the sorrow is the soil for growth, and from it, idEas sprout and twist.
but i kNow that this isn’t forever. the headache will fade, and with it, the weight of tears. what once felt overWhelming will soften. moments are just the prelude to something better. the clouds will break. there will be space for the light to return.
Feb 22, 2025
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I’ve always had this fascination to emotion as a concept. Of course because everyone feels it every day of their life, but more of how encapsulating it can be. I watch films and hear stories and listen to songs and I come to find myself jealous?
Jealous of how pure and raw others experiences are. Why can’t I feel the agony of losing someone, why can’t I feel the devastation of a death, why can’t I lose a friend. It sounds so starkly idiotic because why would anyone want to feel such devastating things, and I’ve asked myself this a lot, part of me thinks it’ll draw more stories to tell in my life, but I think the truth of the matter is that to live is to feel. And I really want to live my life for all that it can bring me.
I write all this not to distract myself from the reality that I have in fact felt such great pain in my life. However, I always lust for more. This also feels like such a blatant explanation for my love of movies, I always feel so drawn into my love for film for it’s ability to snatch my mind away from my life and place it into another’s. My favourite films are those that have made me cry, because as painful as it is I just can’t help but love it. My favourite film is common knowledge but Call Me by Your Name draws me into such a chokehold each time I watch it because of the devastation I feel upon every watch. I never rewatch films but with it I can’t help it, because it always and forever will make me catatonic.
Anyways, I am leaving my point, my point is I am currently in a swarm of emotions from my own life and it is everything I have prayed and asked for while also not being it at all. I feel such an irresistible compulsion to break down and cry, and then I do, but I find myself listening to music and reading texts that only encourage and swell the emotional climax of these tears. In moments where I find myself urged to move on for the betterment of my day, all I can help but think about is someone I care so deeply for moving away. However, is it immature to want to move on? Why must I shun myself from these emotions. After all despite how painful it is, I find myself searching for this pain again and again.
Because to yearn is to be in pain, and to be in pain is to feel, and to feel is to live.
Mar 3, 2025
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i think that heartbreak is one of the most (if not THE most) human experiences of all time. it hurts so bad but also hurts so strangely good in a “i feel so alive rn and i love so much” type of way. through all of the vivid and gut-wrenching emotions, it forces you to grow so fucking much both maturity-wise and identity-wise. so yeah, heartbreak is tonights rec
4d ago
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Feb 24, 2025
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Feb 26, 2025
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i often just want to paint real quick. intending to just dabble a bit. before i know it. i’m deep into the painting. completely absorbed. i might think - that’s enough for today. but then i notice a small corner that needs attention. and suddenly. two more hours have flown by. it’s like time doesn’t exist when i’m in that zone. leaving the studio feels almost surreal. as if i’m stepping back into reality from another world. i have this with absolutely nothing else
Feb 24, 2025