i know itâs a john green book and in theory thatâs not super smart and esoteric of me but this book means the whole world to me.
it was recommended to me by a doctor from the pediatric ward when i was hospitalized at 16 for anxiety. im not sure how he actually knew the nature of my thoughts given i wouldnât really tell anyone anything, but he thought this book would help me. i probably got around to reading it when was 17 and i wish that i had read it when the doctor told me to because it truly did change the way i view my obsessions, medication, therapy, hospitalization, etc etc.
the book follows a girl with ocd as she tries to solve a murder mystery type thing. i didnât necessarily care for the actual plot of the novel, but john greens descriptions of her thoughts and fears really hit home for me- and i feel that they would for anyone struggling with anxiety. the title hints at the manner the main character learns to cope with her anxiety, which is to view it as ultimately meaningless- âturtles all the way downâ, the same thing over and over again. theres a lot of a value in this thought process, especially for people who struggle with obsessive or intrusive thoughts. it goes against popular cultures understanding of mental illness, as something that means anything at all, something that has anything to do with the person suffering. its just an illness. greens personal experience with ocd gave him the ability to put this catharsis into words.
i would not be where i am with my own mental health without this book and i recommend it to anyone who struggles with anxiety.
++ bless up to the doctor in the Vanderbilt Childrenâs Hospital for having fire taste đ
