Rec
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it’s a tough to face the fact that your friend wasn’t really your friend at all. they didn’t like the real you, and that’s a hard truth to sit with. but at least you realised it now. it’s better to see the friendship for what it is, to stop hurting yourself and bend over backwards. yeah, it’s kinda lonely and you don’t have anyone left, but
at least you’re free
at least you’re free
May 9, 2025
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🏿I've gotten a grip on the terrible anxiety I've struggled with for a while. It doesn't feel like the world is ending today.
However, the lack of it has revealed that I'm essentially, at my core, a very very sad person, It's been hard to not get stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk and self-harming idealization. I feel so bitter towards people. I similtaneously feel like everyone is stupid and that I myself am unlovable. I don't know how to get out of it. Nothing seems to help.
In addition, I've finally concluded that I'm no longer compatible with my long-time friend. He's not fun to hang out with anymore, he's obsessed with people who've wronged him, and stuck on his neurotic fixations (which always rub off on me). He's a very traumatized person and I wish I could help him more but there is no way to do so. All my life I've forced myself to become "friends" with people who I barely like. It's time to let go. Being alone is much better than this bullshit.
However, the lack of it has revealed that I'm essentially, at my core, a very very sad person, It's been hard to not get stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk and self-harming idealization. I feel so bitter towards people. I similtaneously feel like everyone is stupid and that I myself am unlovable. I don't know how to get out of it. Nothing seems to help.
In addition, I've finally concluded that I'm no longer compatible with my long-time friend. He's not fun to hang out with anymore, he's obsessed with people who've wronged him, and stuck on his neurotic fixations (which always rub off on me). He's a very traumatized person and I wish I could help him more but there is no way to do so. All my life I've forced myself to become "friends" with people who I barely like. It's time to let go. Being alone is much better than this bullshit.
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🧑Despite being the person who pushes people away, I always have a good enough reason. I so strongly believe your circle defines who you are before it was packaged as a self love affirmation. It seemed very obvious as a concept.
Anyways, I had a huge group of friends and cut of all but 2 because of a silly fight which had nothing to do with me since I've always believed in quality over quantity. But this decision proved to be so wrong when the two who are dating btw, became druggies and really shitty friends. So much so that my mom warned me about them. I have now opened my eyes and really understood the depth of how much I blindly trusted them and how they fucked my life over. Maybe they meant it, maybe they didn't but I am so not gonna stick around to find out. I am a leaver. Bye bye bitch. I just can't believe I let it get to this point. Sorta disappointed how I am not as adult as I thought I was.
Apr 20, 2025
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⭐I just don't think all friends are forever. I used to think every friend was worth investing in and fighting for to keep around for as long as possible, but it's becoming clear to me that it isn't always the case. Sometimes life situations change, or personalities change, or even the things you had in common with someone changes, and suddenly it's not the same. And that's okay. Other times it's the realization of self-growth and improvement that shifts you from friendships. I had one friend that I used to love to...well, gossip with. And at some point that desire to gossip dissipated from my life (for obvious reasons) and that friendship didn't seem that attractive anymore since it wasn't what I wanted to do. I remember when we felt the drift happen, it was so awkward for a bit but I genuinely feel like whenever we connected it would just become...toxic. And it wasn't like they made me worse; we both made each other worse. The idea of 'I have to leave them, they are bringing me down' is BS - it's a two way street buddy. They made me want to gossip / I made them want to gossip. You have to own your part in it. IDK! I just think at 30, there are people I though I'd be close to today that I am not close to at all and although I might miss them, I fully understand that I'm better and healthier and more sane because of that distance. IDK. I'm caffeinated rn. And in my feels. And Bon Iver isn't making it better!!!
Sep 25, 2024
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Feb 25, 2025
Rec
❌is indifference the trend now? it seems like the moment someone shows genuine interest in something, they’re met with the same dismissal as a child asking one too many questions—I'll explain later. but later never comes
yesterday in literature class, something clicked. I finally grasped the scientific reasoning behind a certain work, and it fueled me, inspired me to discuss interpretations with my peers. but when I spoke up, I was met with silence—a subtle, unspoken cue to keep my thoughts to myself
in that moment, I felt embarrassed, even stupid, for wanting to dig deeper. but later, I realized they might have just wanted some peace after a long lesson. maybe it wasn’t about me at all…
however, this wasn’t an isolated moment. time and time again, when I try to have meaningful conversations about things I truly care about, the response is often the same: why are you even thinking about this? why does it matter?
somehow, not caring has become the golden standard. indifference is effortless, and effort is something to be mocked. it’s "cool" to disengage, to float through school without interest, to never give things a second thought. and those who do care? they’re met with resistance, as if their curiosity itself is an inconvenience
the whole chill guy persona and the propaganda of nonchalance do more harm than we realise. we glorify the effortlessly cool, detached observer—the person who never tries too hard, never gets too invested, never asks too many questions. passion is seen as cringe, enthusiasm as uncool, and intellectual curiosity as trying too hard. and yet, it’s exactly this mindset that holds us back
when we stop seeking, we stop growing. when we refuse to ask questions, we accept what we’re given without ever challenging it. nonchalance might feel safe—it protects us from judgment, from looking foolish, from admitting we care—but it also makes us stagnant. it robs us of the thrill of discovery, the depth of connection, the joy of truly understanding something
so maybe it’s time to let go of the chill guy persona and the nonchalant act. it’s time to embrace caring—deeply, unapologetically, wholeheartedly. because the world doesn’t move forward on indifference. it moves forward on those who dare to be curious and whimsy…
yesterday in literature class, something clicked. I finally grasped the scientific reasoning behind a certain work, and it fueled me, inspired me to discuss interpretations with my peers. but when I spoke up, I was met with silence—a subtle, unspoken cue to keep my thoughts to myself
in that moment, I felt embarrassed, even stupid, for wanting to dig deeper. but later, I realized they might have just wanted some peace after a long lesson. maybe it wasn’t about me at all…
however, this wasn’t an isolated moment. time and time again, when I try to have meaningful conversations about things I truly care about, the response is often the same: why are you even thinking about this? why does it matter?
somehow, not caring has become the golden standard. indifference is effortless, and effort is something to be mocked. it’s "cool" to disengage, to float through school without interest, to never give things a second thought. and those who do care? they’re met with resistance, as if their curiosity itself is an inconvenience
the whole chill guy persona and the propaganda of nonchalance do more harm than we realise. we glorify the effortlessly cool, detached observer—the person who never tries too hard, never gets too invested, never asks too many questions. passion is seen as cringe, enthusiasm as uncool, and intellectual curiosity as trying too hard. and yet, it’s exactly this mindset that holds us back
when we stop seeking, we stop growing. when we refuse to ask questions, we accept what we’re given without ever challenging it. nonchalance might feel safe—it protects us from judgment, from looking foolish, from admitting we care—but it also makes us stagnant. it robs us of the thrill of discovery, the depth of connection, the joy of truly understanding something
so maybe it’s time to let go of the chill guy persona and the nonchalant act. it’s time to embrace caring—deeply, unapologetically, wholeheartedly. because the world doesn’t move forward on indifference. it moves forward on those who dare to be curious and whimsy…
Feb 26, 2025
Feb 24, 2025