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my best friend since college moved to the other side of the world permanently at the beginning of the year and most of my closest friends in Austin have moved to other cities in the U.S. over the past few years. i’m done with grad school and i feel like my peers are moving on with their lives and careers without me as i still struggle to find a job. even my dear friend and roommate will likely move out of state for grad school in the next couple years. i know life is all about transition and change so i’m trying to embrace that and have hope for new possibilities to take the place of the old. but i mostly want to cry for weeks :( i had a pretty lonely childhood with frequent moves and difficulty finding deep connections so it breaks my heart to lose proximity to the community i’ve worked hard to build in Austin over the past decade. i’m so so sad
May 7, 2025
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its totally fine to grieve as well. and celebrate that grief a little. we get told we need to be positive and excited about every change and change is great! but allow yourself to be sad for it as well, both can happen. i’m on the other side, i’m planning to move away from my community in a few months and while i’m so so stoked, i’m also getting hit by massive waves of nostalgia and sadness over losing that
May 7, 2025
change is hard but as you said a part of life and will open new doors for you 🩷 sending you good vibes 💕
May 7, 2025
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I got hit with a wave of sadness and lowkey regret of things that I didn’t accomplish during my 4 years at college. Walking around campus for my last time brought back good and bad memories, both of which made me melancholic. While I am fearful of times to come, I am more so deeply saddened that I will never get to experience these past 4 years again. I understand that good times will come yet again, but right now I am sad. Why does time have to pass? Why do things have to change? Why can’t I just pause a moment in time and experience it forever?
No matter how much I try for time to stop and no matter how hard I wish that things will stay the same, change will always come. That is the one constant in life. Change. Everything and everyone changes. We’re literally changing every single day with new cells replacing old. We were built to change, to adapt, to survive. I hope I take this sadness and not let it overwhelm me, but learn from it to better appreciate these fleeting moments we have. I hope I learn to love stronger, feel harder, and experience life with those around me forever. I hope that if you’re feeling these feelings of loss that you find comfort and belonging in the community of sadness that many of us are feeling post-grad. I love you all <3
May 11, 2025
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It’s a blessing when big changes come all at once. The absence of the relationship won’t be a hole in the life you had because you’re going to have a new one! Let yourself get caught up in all the adjusting you’ll be doing—moving, new friends, job search, gigs. Process, live the pain, etc. but in moderation… It’s harder to move on and look forward to change when intense loneliness/inactivity feels like a sign that things would be so much better if you were just together again. Enjoy, build up a network of care. Lean on your friends and family A LOT. Prioritize seeing the people who love you. Get on a plane or a bus or whatever you have to do, it is essential to get quality time with the beloveds during this period of loss and transition. Speaking from experience lol xoxoxo good luck <3
Jun 18, 2024
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transitionary periods are never easy, and i’m sorry you’re having to let go of so many things you’ve come to find comfort in, but not having an immediate sense of what to do next is not necessarily a bad thing. I had a similar phase of moving home after college, and it sucked for plenty of reasons, but it also gave me time and space to settle for a moment and reassess what my path was.
for a lot of people, it’s very easy to follow whatever momentum (career-wise or personal life-wise) they’ve been riding during undergrad and follow that to the next immediate opportunity, and a lot of people find contentment that way! but having an interruption to this sequence provides you with a unique opportunity to interrogate some assumptions you may have had about your future. is this career field really where you see yourself? is this city where you picture yourself settling? are you following the expectations imposed on you by others or are you following your own motivations and values? use this brief intermission to mourn what you are losing, but also to consider what you might build for yourself when freed from the necessity of following whatever path you have been on.
if you don’t like the situation you’re returning to, what would be a totally new scenario that would be better for you? envision that, and if the idea is compelling enough, pursue it. until you develop that vision, you may have to do some things to occupy yourself in the meantime that you may not find a lot of fulfillment in. maybe you find a part time job somewhere. whatever it is, if you come to dislike it all you’re doing is tuning your compass. use that to inform what you might prefer to do. but stay occupied! trying and making mistakes and learning is better than being idle.
during this process - and it will be a process, be patient with yourself - find ways to surround yourself with supportive community. maybe that’s your family, maybe it’s friends you’ve maintained in the place you’re returning to, maybe you seek out new community in hobbies you have, or you have cultural or religious communities you’re a part of, or you find friends in the workplace or a third social place. at the very least, they will provide you an escape from the stress of this period, but you could also develop relationships with people who can work though this life phase alongside you. what’s important, though, is that you create reasons to get out and interact with the world. you’re going to be dealing with a lot internally, and isolation can lead to spiraling. who knows, maybe you find a community that is better than what you have left, or maybe you find people who motivate you to pursue whatever you discover is next for you and see you off into the next chapter of your life.
basically, you’re gonna have to do some growth. like all growth, it’ll hurt sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, and you may have to leave certain things in the past that you weren’t ready to part with just yet, and it’s okay to recognize and process those losses. but so long as you don’t resign yourself to despair, and you find a support network that can bolster your spirit, you can come back stronger and more prepared to head down whichever path this process leads you to discover, and with more confidence and determination than the path you had been going down before. best of luck, friend. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Jun 18, 2024
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