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this is making me learn + confront so many things about not just my fears but myself in general. im finding understanding and meaning and thru that im finding catharsis
Apr 28, 2025

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On July 13th, I had an episode. A mental one. I completely lost it at work. No, no one caused it, I wasn't attacked, berated, crushed by some coworker or customer, (alphabetical Tripel, triple C dribble). Today, right now, I was scared it was going to happen again. It's now a new fear, and for some weird reason, I'm not scared. It feels natural.
Anxiety is apparently in most animals, used to protect oneself from predators and danger in general. It's kind of funny, humans have become so fucking spoiled, we literally have it all, and yet, my wide eyes constantly switch from time to time to time to time to time to time to time (yadda yadda).
Thought I almost lost this, I accidentally swiped down and saw my faded blurry IG filter clown face. So with that, i'll end it here, and maybe i'll write some more idk.
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I have been dealing with this for almost a year. There were some events that I think kicked it off. Maybe worse since the pandemic started. But! What has been really helpful is understanding that anxiety is showing up in the body because the body does not feel safe. Anxiety is a message to the brain! And sometimes that mechanism gets all fked up and misfires.
Doing somatic therapy with a therapist that I really like and think values my concerns has been helpful. I do body and environmental awareness exercises. These help me increase my sense of safety and trust of myself. It's gotten about 15% better since I started. I hope you feel relief soon. Shit is so hard.
Jan 23, 2025
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Realizing I have been afraid of excitement because it teeters on anxiety but that has mostly been out of a lack of confidence on my part And finally realizing nerves are good And make you feel a little sexy. anyway, anticipation and what-ifs are some of the most fun ways to use your imagination and energy in life and wow I haven’t felt how good possibility or opportunity could be for a while. Almost let the dream and romance die in me for a second. Yikes!
Nov 16, 2024

Top Recs from @patronofthesick

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i can't see who i'm following, clicking on it just takes me to an endless loading screen 😔
Apr 28, 2025
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been writing down my every thought every experience. cathartic as fuck
Apr 28, 2025
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ugghhh i have to be in this shitty lab room til 5:10 but i am learning things and getting the education i paid for so it's worth it i guess...
Apr 29, 2025