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Aka Pamela Andersonā€™s Epic Poem. from July 2014 on Facebook. you are welcome The Pamelad Smoldering... I know it's bad for you... But, this is when I wish, I had a cigarette- something I've never tried- (light up) some kind of relief.. I wish it was Italy 40 years ago-- The moon rising over the Amphitheater-- to tremendous applause... like Herzog (clap) Europeans don't seem to care about silly smoking laws?, We do what we want anyway - behind closed doors-- Our true character, collective complexities. childish activities - patterns- genetics? Attention deficit- - ...SEX ... a lost art-- a sickness-- Perversions- Lost sensuality - The cruel smell of orange blossoms... I love being in loveā€“ but expectations, make it impossible to be happy- or satisfiedā€¦ I've triedā€¦ so hard.. maybe it's not in fashionā€“ Traditionā€¦just seemed so romanticā€¦, I guess it's a used up ideal ā€“ for the old fashionā€¦ not modernā€¦ Female securityā€¦ lost- no wayā€“ Coded, and loaded Cell phones, Computers ā€” Ordering sex on line- is like ordering a book on Amazonā€“ and ā€¦ snooping eats you aliveā€“ A mirrored action. obsessive loveā€¦ unhealthy, hopeless- knocked sidewaysā€“ There is always this feeling - of discontentā€“ Like something is offā€¦ I can't put my finger on whyā€“ Who wants to be the Wardenā€“ I want out of hereā€“ out of this time ā€“ in spaceā€“ Grey, muted crystals, from unsavory places- bad intentions, dull- no fire-- a secret life - Laying in my hotel bed-- pulling up my stockings- carefully re-attaching to the garter- , The cuban heel- the line (right on course) the works... Feeling a little guilty- I started to fantasize-- Il Postino, Pablo Neruda- Should I go to Capri--? So frustrated-- burning... questions... No man knows what to do with me-- I blame myself-- To play with me, is eternal-- I'm not 'on the clock' orā€¦ on the 'payroll'ā€“ rrrrā€“ I had to get out of the room- The velvet stuff and porcelain things closing in on meā€“ What have I done...? I knew it was wrong from the start-- primitive-- base instinct.. Never marry a rich man... Euros from a Vagabond.. Just start walking - (Like Jeanne Moreau and Miles Davis) Never look back- There is only beauty ahead, Salvation.. Glory Rushing... I almost forgot where I was-- shit-- My white Burberry trench - - on the floor? A Parkay floorā€¦ (Narration by a deep voiced sexy black guy) BG- She stopped to admire it's clever design, ME- "So pretty" BG wrapped herself upā€” She snuck out the door with a quiet click, and Seamlessly, floating down the hall- (on wire) Her Tom Ford feet didn't touch the groundā€“ Falling gracelessly into an elevator playing Nat King Cole's ā€¦. Stardust? (remembering the movie) ME- "Fallen Angel?" BG Nobody was up yet- out into the cool world she goes, ME-"Freedomā€¦ I can breatheā€¦" BG- looking for a little human contact? Playful seduction? ā€¦ ME- "I'm so Hungryā€¦" BG- Her heart was racingā€” It was barely dawn ā€” Bathed in perfect light- magic hourā€“ ā€” ME- "Everyone looks good this early" BG- Even cats and hummingbirds Was anyone watching her.. She gazed up into dark windowsā€¦ to nobodyā€¦ and let the jacket fall loosely around her shouldersā€¦ The rush coming back- ā€¦ a little lost on purpose, Hiding around corners, ME- so dangerous- my body is on fireā€¦. my body is never doneā€“ trouble finds meā€“ please find me- The iron is always hot!" BG- She Leaned against the cool wall of a stoney church- It felt good, soothing- ME- I wonder how prostitution works- Does it ever feel good? Lost little souls - being taken advantage of-- or taking advantage of- Is it just for money? Is it for attention? or --- both-- Women suffer- - Everywhere... rules, rules, rules-- conflicting needs.. I can't find the answers-- It's an epidemic-- I know I won't compete with a computer-- or - a gaggle of hollywood boys hiring poor Russian girls to swallow loaves of bread up their anus'?- How does that work?" BG- She was disturbed-- How far can she take this?-- Is it even real?-- ME- "Have we lost men to thin air--- to the Abyss-- to technology and lube- Flesh is attached to a heart and a brain- takes effort...and skill... Where are the great lovers?-- A lost art... God , I hope not... I've never been to Columbia-- Should I go?- I really want to go! Is this Hysteria?ā€¦ Objectification? nowā€“ Coming down from the ceiling, dripping in gold glitterā€“ Dancing with Nureyev- eyes closedā€” the dreamā€¦ arousing my tenderness, A sweet rawness- feeling bruised and scratched upā€“ Hypnotic - Life is sensualā€“ not a "fix it in post"ā€“ ME- I miss PLAYBOY- The End of an Eraā€“ Chivalry, elegance- Celebrated imperfections - differencesā€¦ hotā€”passionate dreamy scenesā€¦ The girl next doorā€“ shynessā€“ "it's my first time" but - not my lastā€¦.(wink) ā€“ I'm planning a mysterious coupā€“ Want to get in on itā€“ Julian Assange? Is it healthy, to be fantasied aboutā€¦ by many men ā€“? Isn't that the goal- How many can we effectā€“ It's naturalā€“ to want to be desiredā€“ The world creeps up on youā€“ and there you are, ALL over the place- places you never intended to beā€“ (desert storm?) (soldiers) I am human you knowā€“ left to adjust to the madness- No mercy- pay the priceā€“ my fault- BG- feeling empty, sadā€“ withdrawn- Left to Isolateā€“ Medicate. Go to sleepā€“ ME-NO! I wont- - ME- You know- It's not freaky enough, to just be beautifulā€“ I've never felt beautiful- I always felt sexualā€¦ and blind.. oh wowwyā€¦ I'm losing my mindā€“ I'm shutting downā€“ It's such a strange feelingā€¦ going numbā€¦ in front of everyoneā€”- It's like a Self inflicted drowningā€¦hard to doā€“ (Alarm bells!!)ā€” When did I want to be this thing?ā€“ To attract what? When did I go from a curious little girl, to an insatiable woman? Girl on the runā€¦ Femme fataleā€¦ devoted and ā€¦.divided. Are we all going crazy? - or, is it just me? Is it that stuff on unwashed vegetables? When did I lose control over my own heart?ā€“ When did I start believing , That this is all I'm good for- against my better judgementā€“ fell for it- dammit- it all backfiredā€“ It doesn't feel good to be used, neglected, ignoredā€” controlledā€¦. I'm not doing thisā€” It's humiliating - I have to turn this aroundā€“ Settling is powerless- desperateā€“ an illusionā€“ Can't buy your way out of this one ā€¦buddy!!, I'm cold- (She can't stop laughing..) Reminds me of a play I wrote -- That one about The Hell's Angels, starring - Steve Queen and Brigitte Bardot-- The Entr' Acte.... ** A car chase- She is going on and on (in french) and He's just trying to have his way with her- everything is double entree' Funny/Sexy-(subtitles projected) They've stolen billions in diamonds - she's dripping from head to toe... in a sparkly madness of laughter--- 60's Porsche?- (or that GT/Bullit car) All in a Car - bouncing and swerving-- lights- facing the audience-- (with BW projections from the 60's behind them--)... They fall in love-- They fall apart--- I'm not sure what the The Hells Angels have to do with it-- but they stay in the title--- The End....
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Apr 10, 2025

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My four chambered friend writ across stolen paper your red walls pulsing in my hands with a song so loud, so salty sweet, my lover to devour in the afternoon up three thousand steps, poetry on company time, secrets held close to the chest like playing cards, nine of hearts in my arsenal like a cat falling from the roof eight times into oblivion I save my ace. Iā€™m a hunk holding a hunk, Iā€™m Casanova and I really want to know you, Iā€™m a heart throb on a mission. My star across the sky and on a waiting list a meteor patiently in line at the self checkout, with a fistful of ibuprofen and a need to speed right into my bed. Answer my emails from between silk sheets with a rose between my teeth. Leak your devotion all over my best shirt on Mondays my love, come apart in my hands, melt into a silky hot drink for me to guzzle. Beat like a drum for me only, my ever-marching accomplice, you complete me. Let me crawl into you and take solace there Iā€™ll eat you from the inside out, melt your walls down with my hands and leave no residue.
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The sharp scent of rain tumbles clumsily in as you tease window-hinges wider with the pads of your fingers. A siren trails close behind, uninvited, sears your eardrums, dies off down the block. Your neighbors are arguing again. Laundry, loans, lack of commitmentā€¦ like yesterday, like the day before. You think it would be suffocating to wrap yourself up in someone elseā€™s sheets.Ā  Itā€™s five oā€™clock. Leaning against the sill and flicking the radio dial with one recently manicured nail, you tune into the local news. Roaring wall of static, then calm conversation between two anchors bubbling up through an old set of Panasonic loudspeakers. You are feeling incomplete today, like yesterday, like the day before. Rigatoni boils in the kitchen. You check the leftmost cabinet and find strawberry jam, unopened. You check the cupboard and look over a tub of tahini, a collection of canned soup, and a stack of pie tins. You check the counter, behind the cutlery. Finally, you check the fridge, ducking down to see only your own brown-eyed reflection in one last ā€” now empty ā€” jar of Prego. Your shoulders dip. You slip on white sneakers, not-so-white-as-they-once-were. Why did you try to paint the front door? It is peeling now, ugly like a fledgling losing young feathers. Flecks of buttery yellow dapple paisley carpeting. The great outdoors wait for you at the bottom of a cramped stairwell with twin light fixtures, both broken. A sky like an old sweater is draped above Brooklyn, ready to wring itself out again at any moment. Once around the block, rubber soles brushing damp cement, you walk briskly. At first you fling yourself against the humidity, then become self-conscious and adopt a slower pace as you near the corner store. Two dollars, sixty cents. Like last week, like the week before.Ā  You and I, we are looking down at our phones and stumble into each other, halfway home. It is no oneā€™s fault. You recognize me from somewhere, you say, and feel like a bad person for lying. You have never seen me before in your life. I ask for your number. That night you eat too quickly, knowing youā€™ll wish youā€™d saved some leftovers. I come over once, then again. We go out for dinner at tacky restaurants, where art deco posters from the nineteen-thirties have pinned themselves up in scattered flocks across worn-out drywall and the menu is printed with strange font on laminated placemats. The appetizer sample photos are unnerving; the bruschetta cowers like a scared animal awash in excessive camera flash. I make a joke about it, and you laugh. We order dishes to share. The food is always better than I expected, but not quite as good as you wanted it to be. You donā€™t mind. We talk for hours. We agree, ballpoint pens are better. I hold you, and the ten p.m. bus pulls you out of my arms and through the dusky streets, past crowds and utility poles. I hold you, and we rhyme our steps. Burgundy is around us in the leaves and in the dirt. You wear a coat I gave you. I hold you, and we swat flies out on your porch. The days are getting shorter. I hold you, and we watch blu-ray CDs you found on sale. Soft light from the flatscreen plays across your face as you fall asleep. I keep the movie on a little longer. I hold you. In December, we bring a blanket to Long Island and listen to the sound of snow falling on the dunes. You call in sick for work too often. I hold you, and you know my callouses well. We share the same sheets; we are wrapped up in each other. I hold you, and kiss your hair. You smell like candied oranges. The afternoons eat away at one another. Dishes pile like uneven layer-cakes in your kitchen sink, crested with suds. You say you feel uninspired. Now we argue about laundry, and the sounds of your unhappy apartment are heard through half-open windows.Ā  You shout, eyebrows furrowed like the pages of a book. A white plate soars from the grip of a trembling hand, misses an upturned chin, and interrupts us with its shattering. This time, itā€™s different. Sleep escapes us ā€˜til the sun is already planted on the easternmost rooftop. I hurt you the way I learned to, and stay awhile, but donā€™t know why I stay. We sink into sweet, heavy things: the saxophone in ā€œCharcoal Babyā€, shared creamsicles on hot Saturday evenings. I see you less and less, and remember less and less of you. Will I see you next week? Yes, if you text me. You forget, just like weā€™d both hoped.
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