Honestly just hangout with people who treat you well and actively keep choosing you. Its a lot harder to pine over a guy who didnt choose you when other friends show you how easy it is too love you. I guess the answer is to find good love elsewhere and with time realise this other guy /who didnt chose you/ was never going to give you what you deserve (to be chosen and to be loved and for it to be a healthy loving mutual relationship)
Mar 31, 2025
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whether it's someone you met under through dating, or a platonic friend who doesn't reciprocate your feelings beyond that, there's something about that person that drew you to them and attracted your attention and affection that resulted in you being infatuated regardless of whether or not they reciprocate
the important things is identifying that something and seeking it out in other relationships; what it that they made you feel? seen? secure? appreciated? was it physical beauty or creativity or sense of humor? no qualities are unique to any individual, a lot of qualities are actually social in nature and cultivated over the course of a relationship. it's easy to get over your feelings not being returned when you realize that there isn't a scarcity around the kinds of relationships you can have and the people you can have them with, and that your search continues rather than it having ended in "failure"
above all else, orienting towards gratitude that you got to have that experience and what you learned about yourself through the process instead of the negative feelings associated with rejection, because rejection largely stings because of perceived scarcity. the thing that's often unsaid but felt is "i don't want to find someone else; it would be so much easier if this person just liked me back" or some permutation. but as long as you live and breathe there are others out there for you to love and be loved by, and maybe some of them will be romantic partners but none of them have to be "the one who got away" unless you put them on that pedestal and only relate to them and yourself from that vantage point
Feb 1, 2025
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i’ve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though i’m not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the “perfect” guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was “perfect”, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that i’m entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, it’s just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, you’ll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe i‘m just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.
Jan 1, 2025
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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As y'all might know, I'm a climber. Which is fun, cute, sexy and I recommend everyone to become one. Only downside is that it's def a male dominated sport. There's plenty of girls who climb, but a large majority (in our gym) is male. Meaning that the likelihood of going on an outdoor climbing trip without men.. is small. Unless, of course, you organise a girls-only climbing trip. I would highly recommend doing so. Men r great but it's also nice to only be surrounded by girls who know what's it like to climb when you have a menstrual cycle and don't have a natural knack for dynamic power. Made me feel supported, seen and connected.
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Feels like the adult alternative to sleepovers as a kid. Telling eachother your deepest secrets and scariest truths while laying in the dark. Seeing the hours on your clock pass steadily, knowing it'll be a bitch to wake up in the morning but thinking that it's worth it.
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