got this from the book "this is me letting you go" by heidi priebe - which i also very much recommend - but to paraphrase, she says sometimes the biggest things you miss from a relationship are needs that are no longer being met, or ways you showed up/things that were brought out of you with x person that you miss, maybe moreso than the person themselves.
So, if you always went to art shows, finding another friend to connect with over that. Or if you only showed your vulnerable side with that person, redirecting and learning how to meet those needs for vulnerability with others. If you always laughed together, maybe watch a standup special. or if they made you dinner after a long day, order takeout when it gets hard and show up for yourself. etc etc on small and large scales! this is what saved me from the hardest times.
Plus also truly time as has been said. it will ebb and flow and everything is temporary - you will feel light again when the time is right! ❤️🩹
Related Recs
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for me it has been helpful to frame it as getting through heartbreak rather than over - i’ve felt it is more of a journey rather than having an identifiable threshold or fixed point of being “over” the person. so - these are my main recommendations for things to do to get through the heartbreak:
this isn’t true for everyone, but for me and most people i know, one of the worst things for processing is being around the person a bit right after—it‘s like making your emotional process and brain not be on the same page—so space is probably the #1 thing i recommend as being useful to fully processing that you’re not together romantically.
music (also films/shows too) can help you feel seen and understood—heartbreak is a unique type of hurt. i have like 3-4 playlists from different heartbreaks i have been thru lol!
journaling, to process your emotions solo, though sometimes adding a therapist is needed!
hobbies (solo or with friends) so you can find ways to do positive & engaging things in your increased spare time! spend some extra time being in love with yourself. ❤️🩹
source: my personal misfortunes, trials, & tribulations in love
May 22, 2024
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This is so hard and different for everyone, I’m 2ish years post big break up and sometimes I feel consumed with thoughts about it all, other times it’s out of my mind.
I suggest you fill your time!! I took up running, yoga, pottery, got a new job, got a cat, I try to travel, I date good amount even if I know I’m not ready for a BIG relationship I just want to keep meeting new people.
if You feel the need to talk about it but you can’t maybe try journaling or therapy? I write the worst poetry in the world whenever I can’t stop thinking of him and it gets me out of that cycle.
Love and life and heartbreak is hard and beautiful and shitty and fun!! if you’re still thinking about this person and relationship so long after, maybe you need to keep learning from it or maybe you need to cut yourself some slack!!
Mucho loveo
Oct 7, 2024
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transitionary periods are never easy, and i’m sorry you’re having to let go of so many things you’ve come to find comfort in, but not having an immediate sense of what to do next is not necessarily a bad thing. I had a similar phase of moving home after college, and it sucked for plenty of reasons, but it also gave me time and space to settle for a moment and reassess what my path was.
for a lot of people, it’s very easy to follow whatever momentum (career-wise or personal life-wise) they’ve been riding during undergrad and follow that to the next immediate opportunity, and a lot of people find contentment that way! but having an interruption to this sequence provides you with a unique opportunity to interrogate some assumptions you may have had about your future. is this career field really where you see yourself? is this city where you picture yourself settling? are you following the expectations imposed on you by others or are you following your own motivations and values? use this brief intermission to mourn what you are losing, but also to consider what you might build for yourself when freed from the necessity of following whatever path you have been on.
if you don’t like the situation you’re returning to, what would be a totally new scenario that would be better for you? envision that, and if the idea is compelling enough, pursue it. until you develop that vision, you may have to do some things to occupy yourself in the meantime that you may not find a lot of fulfillment in. maybe you find a part time job somewhere. whatever it is, if you come to dislike it all you’re doing is tuning your compass. use that to inform what you might prefer to do. but stay occupied! trying and making mistakes and learning is better than being idle.
during this process - and it will be a process, be patient with yourself - find ways to surround yourself with supportive community. maybe that’s your family, maybe it’s friends you’ve maintained in the place you’re returning to, maybe you seek out new community in hobbies you have, or you have cultural or religious communities you’re a part of, or you find friends in the workplace or a third social place. at the very least, they will provide you an escape from the stress of this period, but you could also develop relationships with people who can work though this life phase alongside you. what’s important, though, is that you create reasons to get out and interact with the world. you’re going to be dealing with a lot internally, and isolation can lead to spiraling. who knows, maybe you find a community that is better than what you have left, or maybe you find people who motivate you to pursue whatever you discover is next for you and see you off into the next chapter of your life.
basically, you’re gonna have to do some growth. like all growth, it’ll hurt sometimes, maybe a lot of the time, and you may have to leave certain things in the past that you weren’t ready to part with just yet, and it’s okay to recognize and process those losses. but so long as you don’t resign yourself to despair, and you find a support network that can bolster your spirit, you can come back stronger and more prepared to head down whichever path this process leads you to discover, and with more confidence and determination than the path you had been going down before. best of luck, friend. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Jun 18, 2024
Top Recs from @chesney
extremely classified high-security-clearance lore drop over martinis and mortadella sandwiches at the wine bar on a monday night - good for the soul
📍 bar chenin - detroit
Mar 25, 2025
Today I read two complementary articles about the same topic that stopped me in my tracks after a very creatively frustrating day. Maybe, if you are feeling like your effort isn't working in some aspect of life right now, they will help you as much as they helped me :)
Wu-Wei | The Art of Letting Things Happen - Einzelganger
The Art of Letting Things Be - Ning Collective
Mar 25, 2025
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my neighbor is BLASTING the dress by dijon at 1:30 am on monday nite and yk what i can't even be mad cuz we shoulldddd go out and dance like we used to dance ✋🙂↕️
Mar 4, 2025