I recently entered the stage in my relationship where I'm invited to every occasion, and though it always excites me the feeling of anxiety rises up within me like bile.
Yet all the important relatives love me so why do I even worry??
It's ridiculous how at times I feel as if I talk too much or too little automatically makes me an enemy of the state, if their love or approval must be earned, or I must prove my love for my boyfriend through a myriad of obstacles. Its as if anything im enamored with must be proven, and I wish I had that machine in The Stepford Wives so I reach every standard and am perfect in every aspect. Yet I am only human, and humans aren't perfect. Optimism is definitely something that can be worked on in my case.
I know I overthink and get anxious over the simplest glance or gesture, but sometimes I fear the worst on the drive to events and squeeze my hands so hard my nails are surely going to pop off. Yet every single time, I am welcomed with open arms.
I'm super excited tomorrow, I get to see one of the sweetest grandfathers I've ever met, listen to stories, and catch up on gossip. Its always pleasant to spend holidays with those who give love back, and I know I'm in for it tomorrow. I'll watch fireworks with some of my favorite people as my fears and anxiety dim, because they really are just fears and nightmare fuel that makes me so pessimistic.
