gender reveal meme in the chat? or a cake would probably go over smoothly? having someone who knows ur pronouns and uses them correctly in this friends presence is a subtle way to let them know but would probably still warrant a discussion afterwards, alternatively;
i dont say this lightly but its usually best for u and for them to just be upfront and casually let them know about the misstep:) If they continue to feel awkward after that its on them but u can still have an open discussion if u feel its unresolved? sincerity is important in a solid friendship
Mar 20, 2025
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awe gender reveal in the chat is silly and gets the point across i like that
but YES thank you for ur input i appreciate it greatly <3
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this situation happens a lot whenever i get a new job, so i’ve had to do this a lot unfortunately. i find that its easiest just to be honest and straightforward. i think slipping it into a conversation helps it to be less awkward, too.
for example, u guys r talking normally, and then they refer to u as the wrong pronoun. i acknowledge what they are saying, and then usually follow up with:
“oh, btw, im a boy” or “also, just so u know, i go by he/him”. and before the person gets embarrassed or feels the need to apologize a lot, i immediately follow that up with saying something like:
“im just telling u now so there’s no confusion later on, sorry if this is kind of awkward haha”
usually when you apologize first, the other person will feel the need to say something like “oh it’s ok no worries!”
that way, their brain tricks them into forgetting that they were the ones who had originally made the mistake, and it kind of alleviates the awkwardness from their side of things. also u acknowledging that this is an awkward conversation helps the other person to feel less alone in the awkwardness.
this is just how i do things, but u know ur relationship with this person more than me, so just do what feels most natural to u! overall, its kind of impossible to avoid being awkward with correcting someone, so just acting like it’s no big deal helps the other person to feel better, too. hope that helps and good luck 🫶🐛
Mar 20, 2025
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A) I’m sorry that happened, that’s an insensitive thing to joke about and it reflects poorly on their character, I’m sure it sucked to hear. I know that having peace/civility with roommates is important, and that it can feel crappy to be the one that voices discomfort when everyone else seems okay with it.
B) You don’t have to go out of your way to address it, but if it comes up again, you can always say “I’m not comfortable talking about a classmate this way” — that isn’t a judgement about them, it’s just you announcing a personal choice. The lever of social shame should remind them that if you’re uncomfortable with it, maybe they should be as well. But also, it’s okay if you’re not comfortable saying that— you aren’t responsible for reminding other people to be kind, and it’s okay to choose your battles in a shared living space.
Aug 29, 2024
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I have a lot of random shame, and every time it gets a little easier as I am met with love and understanding, and occasionally a gentle “/that/ is what you wanted to tell me?”
Jan 23, 2024
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