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Mar 19, 2025

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He may be there, but he is not there
Mar 19, 2025

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Feb 5, 2025
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Sometimes you just need a moment to cool off. ( turns out I was hangry)
Apr 5, 2025
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i paused on this step for at least a full minute

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Iā€™m not a parent and do not plan to be. Kids can wear me out fast with their high energy and noise level; it leaves me very over-stimulated. But itā€™s pretty extreme when people say they ā€hate kidsā€ and I often feel itā€™s a reflection of their childhood and beliefs around how kids ā€œshould be.ā€ That they were expected to be quiet, obedient, and out of the way by their parents when they were little. Itā€™s fucking hard to be a kid. Youā€™re dealing with a rapidly-changing body and underdeveloped brain, managed by flawed adults who are enforcing boundaries that you do not understand. Itā€™s confusing and hard to manage your feelings and honestly just a lot. People are impatient with kids when theyā€˜re brand new to the world and figuring it all out, and this is a time kids need a friend the most. Children can also be teachers to adults with how they are less habituated to the world. They teach us how to be free and open-hearted and silly and imaginative. A good practice is to be kinder and gentler with kids. If that feels difficult, start with gentleness toward your inner child. Maybe thatā€™s the child in your life that needs your attention and kindness most.
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I meant to post this yesterday. Absolutely beautiful morning for walk. This morning is also beautiful but in a spring rain kind of way.
Mar 23, 2025
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Prescriptive gender is a prison. Rather than gender being a form of self-expression, gender is treated as a pass/fail test for how well you can conform to cultural expectations. Since I was young, I remember feeling a great deal of pressure to conform to these expectations around what ā€œmenā€ are meant to be. You like sports, cars, womanizing, aggression, and not having feelings. I felt so distant from this ideal. I was sensitive and shy, and I preferred spending my time being creative in some way For a long time, I felt like I was failing at ā€œbeing a man.ā€ In many ways I was! Because I didnā€™t need toĀ bea man. All I needed to be was myself. Itā€™s taken me a long time to separate myself from prescriptive gender, sharpening in on which aspects of masculine energy I identify with and which I donā€™t. Iā€™m not done yet. Maybe I will never fully be. The self continues to evolve over time, and I suspect aspects of my gender will too.
Mar 15, 2025