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🎚

Hello?

Not that anyone will care, but to understand me you have to understand this: I was raised by Christian Protestant fundamentalists, the youngest of 4 by 10 years. Although I resent the church and the theology I desperately tried to make myself believe, I am grateful for their teachings of serving and loving others, even if they contradicted themselves when they told me to fear the evil nature of humanity. I was named after my grandma, who lived with me for 11 years of my childhood and remained ever trusting and kind as she fell victim to dementia. By the time I was 8 my parents seemed to have tired from raising 4 kids and intensively caring for a 90 year old woman, and I was free to bike miles across town to the library unsupervised, and patch myself up when I fell and bled, and lock myself in my room to read every spare hour of the day. I would read while I ate breakfast, I would read while brushing my teeth, I would read and I wouldn’t hear it if someone called my name. I discovered the internet soon after and unfortunately the curiosities it offered won out over literature. When the internet taught me I wouldn’t live forever in heaven under the tree of life with Teddy Roosevelt and my grandpa, I was on my own to process and panic and pretend to pray. My family came from Norway, across Canada, down to Northern Idaho to work in the lumber yards, and finally to Oregon when starvation wages hit the shop teachers. My mom grew up on elk tongue sandwiches and I was never allowed to leave a plate full. I always struggled with friendships, not because people didn’t like me but because I have a tendency for isolating myself. The people I love most tend to be strange and upfront and vulnerable. And I do love my family, but more than anything I want to be independent and meet many strange and upfront people who will lead me to adventure. I am almost 20 and I am an artist. I have no tattoos and I am reckoning with my potential.

@eatgraeps

Feb 28, 2025

✨

HI :))

I'm moonbeams. I'm 23. I grew up in an emotionally chaotic family and so I feel like I never got to have much of a personality. I'm spending a lot of time now trying to figure out what I like and don't and how I want to fill my time. My favorite thing is people who are very passionate about anything. I love cats and crows and I will always assume the best of people. I like having a cozy home and having friends over. I like drinking tea and trying new flavors of everything. I'm a picky eater but I'll try anything a couple times. I cut and dye my own hair. I'm not a professional by any means but I like playing around with it. I like to look edgier than I think I actually am. I dabble in many forms of art. I don't make as much time for it as I wish I did. The same is true for reading. Both things I miss doing more. If I like you I'll do anything for you, if I don't, you'll know. I'm not rude but I am blunt. I spent so much of my life hiding things that I don't lie anymore. I'm trying very hard to be kind but also know when to put myself first. It takes me forever to develop romantic feelings for people and it takes me twice as long to move on from them. I don't think I'll ever get married and I love working with kids but I definitely don't plan to ever have kids. I'm not very religious, or superstitious, and I don't believe in much of anything. I'm curious but skeptical and more than happy to let people do what works for them. I am a night owl, eldest daughter, introvert and you won't ever catch me without my earbuds. I pack my purse like I plan to never see home again but this apartment with my roommate means everything to me. I'm going to be leaving LA soon and I'm going to miss it so so much. This city sucks in some ways but it's been my city.

@moonbeams

May 5, 2025

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Never stop growing and changing

I’m not going to call this gifted kid burnout which I think is often just a symptom of the popping of the bubble of people’s confused delusions of grandeur because they didn’t realize that gifted education programs are at best a way of giving specialized and individualized education, and at worst a way of achieving legal segregation in schools. Not to brag, but my therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for treating people with trauma told me that I had the most difficult childhood of anyone she had ever treated. It was also filled with beauty and I was encouraged in my many skills and pursuits early on, but the inner rot of compounded repeated traumas, keeping secrets, and hiding my suffering eventually took hold. I was always a good student but as things at home intensified I cared less and less. A teacher noticed this and tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state. This made matters more complicated for me because still to this day he’s my favorite teacher that I ever had; he taught me much of what I know about writing and helped me to develop my skills. After that, I spent my time in school just coasting along, putting in the minimal amount of effort to no fail. I had no goals or ambition. After graduation, I flitted from service job to service job. I started seeing my therapist and thinking about what I actually wanted to do. I realized I had one exceptional skill which could be monetized to my advantage and I threw myself into it, grinding to make a living and improve my station in life. This worked and I live in decent material comfort, but I’ve realized the lifestyle I always thought I wanted isn’t what I want at all, so I’m reevaluating that and beginning to explore what that looks like. There are several different exciting paths of progression my career could take, but I’m also finally working on creative projects for the first time in about a decade, so I’m going to see where life takes me. My best friend tells me I should become certified as a yoga teacher, and going back to school to study psychology and become a therapist would also be tight. I would love to seek a second career. It took me a long time to get here but I’m trying to actualize and find purpose… Something something Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

@taterhole

May 26, 2024

Top Recs from @kkolbrich

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trusting your intuition

You don’t need to suffer to prove that you’re a good person. You don’t have to stay with the job that makes you question yourself and you don’t have to keep dating that person you’re not quite clicking with. If something feels off then it probably is. I’m not advocating for immediately abandoning your responsibilities and throwing caution to the wind; but in our hearts we know when something is working and when it isn’t. That thing called intuition is your soul, and you can trust it.

@kkolbrich

Dec 31, 2024

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Learning which celebrities share the same big three as you

There’s just something really energizing knowing that me, Megan Fox, and the Late Elizabeth II share something moderately specific. 🌞Taurus 🌜Leo ✨Capricorn

@kkolbrich

Mar 4, 2025

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Reframing quitting as successful completion

I’m tired of jumping through hoops and reframing my mounting dread everyday as ‘an opportunity to make a change‘. I’m tired of thinking that only if I tried harder, or was better or did something different that I would have a better outcome. At what point do you stop trying to jam the same puzzle piece in the same spot and say, “Hmm maybe this doesn’t fit!” Am I quitting trying to be an ever optimizing and improving version of myself? Maybe. OR have I successfully gotten what I wanted out of this experience and can peacefully move on without remorse? I think in 2025 I’m going to start choosing the latter.

@kkolbrich

Dec 18, 2024