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I love being in my 30's

I've almost been in my 30's for 5 years and I've loved it. There's something about it that has been deepening and richening. I focus more on what matters to me, and cultive how I want my life to look. My 20's was wild and chaotic and a lot of hard inner and outer work. I still work hard, but I'm reaping the benefits of it a bit more now. I'm busy yet relaxed. I feel like I did the hard work earlier that I'm now really benefiting from. When I turned 30 I wrote out 30+ lessons that I learned. I never shared it at the time because it felt egotistical lol, but it's actually pretty good so I'll share it here! Aging is a gift!! Embrace your fully formed brain. You'll always be changing and growing, but you're entering this beautiful space where you're still young and can relate to young folks, but you have enough experience to relate to older folks too. It's a blast! Mossy Elfie's Hard Earned Lessons from her 20's 1. Laughter is truly the best medicine.  KEEP PLAYING! 2. Express love to those you love as often as possible. 3. Learning to communicate effectively is the greatest tool you can have. 4. Being upfront about how you feel may lead to getting hurt, but will 100% benefit you in the long run. 5. There are lessons in every experience.  This doesn’t excuse trauma, but can help heal it. 6. Sometimes when a therapist or someone you love calls you out on your shit, you can feel it’s untrue because it actually is, or because you’re being defensive.  Learn how to discern between the two. 7. Questioning your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs isn’t threatening, even if it feels like it.  There’s no harm- if it’s true, it’s true.  If not, you can begin to change. 8. It’s true, the relationship you have with yourself is the most important. 9. People are doing the best they can with the tools they have. 10. Listen to actions, not words.  Even good people with the best intentions have flaws, and that’s okay. 11. Everyone’s path is different, and it’s so easy to judge.  It’s a good idea to learn how to detach from that.  Let people live!!  Including yourself. 12. Even if it’s bs, having faith the universe has your back provides endless calm and a sense of being loved + protected. 13. Children and animals will heal your soul.  Volunteering at an animal shelter is always a good idea.  Seriously, go do it. 14. You don’t need to know all the steps or even have a clear end goal, but you do need a vision to work towards and the immediate next step. 15. Friends will come and go- that’s natural.  It’s okay to be sad about it.  A loss is a loss. 16. If something is consistently making you miserable, that’s a good sign it’s not for you. 17. Go towards what brings you joy, especially regarding vocation.  This doesn’t mean it won’t be stressful or annoying at times, but the main feelings should be joy + accomplishment. 18. Despite what the culture tells you there is no timeline or rule book.  Do whatever TF you want!  But!  Be healthy in that. 19. Crying, yelling, breathing, laughing, hugging all helps… a lot.  EMOTE. 20. Everyone is working on something different, but we’re all striving for balance. 21. Your body changes constantly.  I know the overarching message is to change it, but your body is a miracle.  Being alive is a miracle!  When you’re feeling down about your body, that’s a sign to give it a ton of love, NOT to try and change it. 22. Forgiveness is for yourself, not the other person.  You can forgive someone and not have them in your life. 23. Everyone truly has their own individual experiences, which is equally beautiful and terrifying to me. 24. No one can be forced to change.  It only happens when they are ready.  It doesn’t matter if all the facts are known, it won’t happen until the internal shift does. 25. BREATHING will help solve every problem.  Always begin and come back to deep breaths. 26. Change and growth can be hard.  They can be really scary.  But it’s not impossible.  Everyone has the capacity to change.  27. Having empathy for others allows you to act from a space of love, even in anger.  That doesn’t mean being a doormat for people’s behavior, it just means in your anger you’re treating them with love and respect. 28. We are all ever changing, evolving beings.  The work never stops- it’s a lifelong process. 29. You have and are going to make a ton of mistakes.  You are going to hurt people.  Please forgive yourself.  No one benefits from you feeling eternally guilty, especially yourself.  Take responsibility, have remorse, learn the lesson, and let go. 30. Nothing is permanent, especially feelings and thoughts.  Soak up each moment and let it pass.  Nothing bad will last forever, but neither will the good.  It’s all an ebb and flow so, flow. 31. It’s so important to be honest with how you’ve been wounded. It’s equally important to be honest with how you’ve wounded others.  You need to heal from both. 32. Soak up and cherish every moment.  Truly, seriously.  That is what life is all about- experiences and the way you feel.  Even my worst moments, I’ll probably never feel that way again.  I treasure it all. 33. My god, life can be so hard.  Just be fucking kind to one another. 34. The darkness always fades into light.  The light always comes back.  I promise. 

@mossyelfie

Dec 3, 2024

🎂

your thirties

Happy birthday! You have a great batch of years ahead of you, the best yet. I'm biased, but it's been my favorite decade so far (every year is better than the last, the idea of "peaking" is for chumps). Some thoughts! Group trips - when you say "we should go to X someday," or "we should rent a house" "we should do a day trip to this cool thing or this sculpture garden" actually do it. Blow up the group text, have everyone agree on a day or week or a weekend and make it happen. People will start thinking about "settling down" and "having families" which makes everything that much harder to plan (depending on who your friends are -- I have friends with kids who still do it all). But do those trips, because they're really fun. Cooking - get some nice staple kitchen stuff and start cooking. Cook for yourself, for dates, for friends, cook together. It's ok to let go - Don't burn bridges if it's not toxic, but it's ok to let friendships fade if you've outgrown them and it's ok to recognize them for what they are. Sometimes you will grow together and sometimes you will grow apart. It's alright to let someone become an acquaintance. It can also be very hard to accept, but know that whatever you feel, it's ok. Old friends - some people have known me through so many different phases of my life. Cherish those old friendships, and make the effort to deepen them. Keep doing those long phone calls, take a weekend to spend together, travel to see a concert together, be there for birthdays and other life events. Those relationships are really special. Same goes for family if that's possible. Stay curious - you're on this app, so you're already curious. Keep reading, watching, hobbymaxxing. Keep trying things on and checking things out to see if you like them. Learn new stuff. That's not just for your thirties, that's for life. Stretch and take care of your body - it’s your precious vessel. That's also for life.

@Shadowbeni

Jun 6, 2024

15

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IM BOTH WORSE AND BETTER

not that much older (turning 20 soon) so i don't have a lot of insight unfortunately, but there are a few things i noticed! in no particualar order: - i was much braver and more confident at 16? i feel like it should be the opposite but well... i was a lot bolder and willing to try new things and to experience, whether it be good or bad. i'm more confused and lost than i was back then, but it's also crazy insane to throw urself in potential danger just to "experience life" so i guess i'm more mature about living life now hahaha - i was also angrier and more bitter. i have definitely mellowed out since life is often more complicated and annoying than it was when i was in high school and i've learned to just let it go and be more resourceful and less stuck on things - i do more things for fun! some good advice is to just up and learn stuff because it's very sad to be a grown adult with no craft or trade, even if it isn't for financial purposes. anything u have a propension for should be nourished - other piece of advice: DO THINGS THAT ARE HARD! mental laziness is a plague and the best moment to combat it is when you're young. do the math homework that u feel u will never understand until u are a natural at it, learn how to drive even if it makes u want to crawl out of ur body, start speaking up if ur shy just to practice it even if ur heart feels like its going to beat out of ur chest! don't run away from things that are hard because it becomes harder to learn the more u age.

@bimbofication

5d ago

Top Recs from @salad_valet

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Breaking free from spotify

i canceled my Spotify account over the summer and have spent the last few months rebuilding my digital music library on a refurbished iPod Touch. reading critiques of the app (and it’s enshittification), i realized i wasn’t even sure of my own musical tastes and preferences. i had stopped picking for myself, stopped seeking out new music, ceasing to know how to choose what i wanted or articulate what i like. breaking free from the algorithm has been such a joy! i’m borrowing gobs of music from the library, rebuilding my old playlists, and consuming more music than i have in years. and better yet, my data isn’t being tracked by Spotify and i own what’s in my personal library. further, my receptors are more open when i’m out in the world exposed to music, searching for recommendations in an organic way.

@salad_valet

Jan 16, 2025

30

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The anti-capitalist nature of pi.fyi

i’ve been trying to articulate why i enjoy this space so much. yes, the UX is reminiscent of Tumblr and the early days of the internet. and there’s genuine sincerity and vulnerability on here that makes it feel really cozy and real, which i haven’t felt online in at least a decade. but i think what’s undergirding my love of this space is how anti-capitalist it feels. most of the recs everyone shares are vibe-checks, quality of life shifts, meditations and offers, music and movies, just plain good art. i don’t feel compelled to buy anything when i come here. i feel excited and pumped to be a cheerleader, find connection, find common ground. and FWIW the recs i’ve shared that have gotten the most traction are my suggestions for leading a less capitalistic / consumerist life (quitting Amazon, getting off of Spotify, building community to take care of you and your things). all of this is to say, i love it here and i love you guys.

@salad_valet

Feb 7, 2025

2

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Quitting amazon

hear me out—this one might feel impossible, but i quit purchasing items on Amazon in 2018 and cancelled my GoodReads account shortly after. i did some serious reflection and realized i’d become super reliant upon, and frankly, quite used to the instant gratification of purchasing something and knowing i’d have it within a day. that’s not normal. the labor practices, economics, and environmental impacts of getting what you want from the internet delivered quickly and right to your door are skewed. i was filling a void in myself with mindless purchases. i’m aware that they service a huge swath of the internet (Amazon Web Services), own Whole Foods and Abe Books, and will likely take over more businesses we like and rely on. weaning off and avoiding entirely is very very hard, but it can also be a measured decision. that said, i know that it is a privilege to abstain from Amazon. i am able bodied, i don’t have kids, i have access to a car, i live in an urban environment with access to a lot of stuff at my fingertips. but making the choice to break out of the Amazon loop has ultimately been better for my pocketbook and better for my relationship to these mega-tech-companies that have their fingers in everything. in contrast, i’m becoming more interested in alternate economies, like bartering and sharing. i love the idea of having commonly shared tools and items (tool libraries are very cool). we don’t need to own it all, we have each other. interested in exploring more? the zine pictured below is a great start, and summarizes a much larger book by the same author on how to resist the leviathan that is Amazon.

@salad_valet

Jan 22, 2025

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