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Was talking with a friend about this yesterday

She and I are both in the midst of a reckoning. We once saw romance as a narrative tool of oppression, a construct designed by the patriarchy to make women accept subjugation. But now we’re beginning to believe that it’s real and reconciling those two truths is proving more complicated than we expected. People today approach love like online comparison shopping, scrolling through options on apps. Instead of courtship, we have the “talking stage,” something that is noncommittal by design. But romance can’t be casual; it requires conviction and presence. It demands vulnerability and a kind of giving spirit that feels almost alien in a culture that prizes detachment and transactional connection. Romance isn’t dead—it’s just antithetical to the way we’ve been conditioned to interact.

@taterhole

Feb 18, 2025

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all good sex is body horror by becca rothfield

well-written article analyzing cronenburg's films and contrasting them with today's sexual politics and lack of eroticism. passage i enjoyed: In fact, we are not impermeable packages of preformed desires, importing our likes and dislikes around with us from one encounter to the next like papers in a briefcase. An erotic craving is inextricable from the ferment that foams up when oneself is sluiced into another. Not only is it impossible for us to know whether an encounter will be deflating or transformative but we cannot know what sort of metamorphosis will ensue if the sex is as jarring as we can only hope it will be. 

@veggiedumpling

Feb 19, 2024

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[essay] kill the couple in your head

A reminder that much of the coupling impulse (within romantic/sexual relationships, friendships, political groupings etc) is in a large part a reaction to the fear of loss/abandonment/loneliness, rather than a pure desire to exist in a relationship with someone. That so much of this requires a control and limiting of the actions and thoughts and desires of others, which prevents us from living as our actualised selves. even if u want to exist in close coupledom, worth a read and a think, it’s got some great ideas about the purpose of relationships and how generative/life-giving they have the potential to be 🤔

@siddhartha

Oct 15, 2024

Top Recs from @taterhole

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Starting over

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” — Anaïs Nin This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that I’ve safely landed at the start of my new life. It’s honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think it’s important to share. I’ve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, we’d have been together for 11 years, and we’ve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with people—to rediscover my voice. I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. I’ve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see. I’ve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitely—but someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial and  logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and it’s going to be tough for a while but I’m going to be better than okay! Now I’m opening up to you. This isn’t the only abuse I’ve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible. I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolation—and breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom. Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me 💌

@taterhole

Mar 16, 2025

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Never changing

My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌

@taterhole

Feb 23, 2025

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Finally Quitting the job that you hate

Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ✅💅

@taterhole

Feb 27, 2025

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