Idk if you mean hatred of your like material conditions or hatred of yourself but both were mixed together for me.
I had no idea I hated my life so much until I had to sit back last year and realize a lot of the dumb decisions I made that ruined my life as I knew it were . . . More rooted in hatred than I realized. I mean, yeah economic factors and capitalist bullshit was also a major factor but boy I could have avoided a quarter of the pain I endured if I'd just not hated myself so fucking bad.
So there I was, moved back into my childhood home with my sorta toxic family, no job, no prospects on the horizon. Everything I told myself I'd end up being because I fulfilled my own prophecy in an attempt to be someone I didn't even think I deserved to be. And I couldn't change the economy, and I couldn't change the past. But I could change me. I could appreciate what I still had left after spiraling, and appreciate the chance to grow again in the future. Started a Substack, got a hobby, learned to enjoy reading books again, etc.
So it's gonna take a lot of unflinching introspection, maybe Journaling if you're into that, and learning what your bad coping methods are so you can slowly change it . . . But it can be done. You just gotta change one little habit st a time. And it might take longer than you want, but it'll feel better when you do.
