I have the flu and lately when I go to sleep and I'm kinda tossing and turning and coughing I'm thinking about knights
I keep accidentally falling into a pattern of sorta choreographing knights like moving them around into specific spots and positions and motions for some reason and I cant stop even when I try to think of something else it's real scary actually
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i am sick in bed. to lay in your sick is to lay with your self. To lay with your quiet coughing and distorted voices from your phone and footfalls of other bodies in the house moving, shadows underneath the door a certain essence of a person unconfirmed until i open or crack a sliver and then i will know for sure. that it is not a spirit come to whisk me away but a hand knocking to offer me advil. so i dream wistlessly as i lay in my sick and i hope to go be small enough to live in the nests of flowers and plats at the greenhouse. But oh I must have my phone with me and a sketch book and my partner and some clothes- maybe a skirt. maybe i will have wings too and i will go visit friends from corners where they cant fully see me- shadows under the door i could be anything, anyone, until they open
Jan 24, 2024
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why would i sleep when i could stay awake? my brain is ON FUCKING FIRE!!!! when else do i get to see myserious shadow figures in ym room
i couldve sworn i saw something staring at me earleir
Feb 19, 2024
Im having trouble sleeping again.
Now including
*spinning rooms*
*an urge to be sick*
*recurring negative thought spirals*
*walking into things*
Free bonus cd featuring
*walking into things*
*toppling over*
*spilling drinks over you*
*forgetfulness*
*walking into things*
and more...
Feb 20, 2025
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I am not a very emotional person especially compared to my close friends who cry often and share their life and struggles to me
this year something happened to me that got me very sad and I cried hard for a long time
that day, I had felt like a dam broke in my mind and all of a sudden I began to cry over everything (tiktoks, stars, little women)
when I reflect on this, I feel sad that my happiness has seemingly decreased, however(!) I now feel much happier and healthier because I am letting out my emotions rather than keeping them to myself
I also have come to love the sensation of crying. it's a fun and interesting state to be in physically and mentally and it's really kinda cool
now instead of thinking that I am just less emotional than other people, I've realized that I too have the capacity to feel things and I'm happy ❤️🫧🌷
Dec 30, 2024
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Behind your ears, boiling pasta and forgetting
about six minutes, letting it turn to glue. I remember
once you said, this tree is torn to shreds and we stood
and stripped it further. The night I looked at you terrified.
This was back when we belonged to no one,
when your hand found my rib in the dark. I played dumb
so as not to lose you. I watched you choose lovers,
watched as you changed on a whim when a man entered
the room. Laura, I want you embarrassed
by long dresses, by the fun of the carnival.
I remember the first time I convinced you to keep living.
It didn’t take much. I tricked you into walking to the place
on the corner with cheese danishes glazed thick
with sugar. We never got them. On the sidewalk a child
was playing in her plastic kitchen. She poured us imaginary
water, offered us mud soup. We put out our hands.
You took the mud almost to your mouth.
Feb 13, 2025
Dec 30, 2024