šŖ”
i love coming up with different stories depending on whoās asking, what mood iām in, how much time i have to explain. but lately, iāve totally started copping out and saying āitās personalā every time the topic comes up. admitting to getting something so permanent on your body ājust causeā š¤Ŗ feels daunting, especially when most peoplesā reason for never getting a tattoo is that they canāt decide what would be important or visually pleasing enough to have on them at all times.
now, this indifference towards my silly ink has made me doubt or even dislike some of it and iām not about that! at all!! my interests have always been in a state of flux but iāve also always gotten so much joy from self expression and all my pointless tattoos are markers of times when that joy was there, or when i was searching for it.
so as practice, hereās a short intro to my latest ink š¤ i got it on a whim in argentina from an artist a friend recommended. itās a little streetlight on my leg and while, objectively, it means nada to me, it represents this trip where i grew closer to my friends by seeing them through the lens of their culture, the life of a friend that was lost while i was here, a person that i met that helped me grieve and made me uncover parts of me i had been caging for some time. tomorrow it might be in honor of remy, the sweet-sweet kitty that weighted-blanketed me through the whole session. either way, iām cool with it.
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I have 6 tattoos (plus one stick and poke I let a man do on me at a party when I was 18.) And of course- I want more.
My first tattoo I got during my first month of freshman year of college freshly moved to New York- itās on my rib cage- it says āgoodnight nobodyā which is pulled from the childrenās book goodnight moon. 1. I was read that book as a kid. 2. I remember I rediscovered that book when I was high in the mall in high school and that blank page saying āgoodnight nobodyā felt poignant for all kinds of reasons. Just a call into the void in a childrenās book?
A rendition of a sculpture from Portia Munsonās installation āBound Angelā that I saw at PPOW a couple years ago- because the work just spoke to me and womanhood at large
i have a fairy (way bigger than I intended) because fairies were a huge part of my girlhood
hey arnold (helgaās locket of arnold) because my mom watched that show with me before I can even remember and 2. I like Helga was also a yearner in middle school
A bunny because bunny
And most recently two of my best friends and I got matching three-headed deer. I havenāt even known them for very long but a portrait of our love felt like a very beautiful and sentimental thing to do regardless of fate.
The only one that hurt was the poorly done stick and poke done at the party right next to my vagina- but ofc I acted like wasn't that bad (it was pretty bad).
Mar 24, 2024
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Through many years of tattooing the memorable, the impulsive, and the stupid on my body, I tend to forget that I have them, even though I technically see them every day.
Every now and again, I like to do a tattoo review where I return to the site of each tattoo, reminding myself of why I got them and what the story was behind each piece. They blend in so well to my perception of my skin that I forget sometimes that once upon a time, I was some former age and I found something that meant a lot to me so I had it tattooed. And that that version of myself had her future self in mind while getting the tattoos, sending off a faraway message in a bottle, waving a twinkling greeting from forevers ago.
I carry her with me everywhere I go.
Mar 10, 2025
šŖ¦
I have lots and generally stopped overthinking them after my first one. In theory, permanently marking your body is seen as an eternal commitment that carries a ton of weight, but Iāve really benefitted from flipping that on its head and using tattoos as a practice to remind myself of the impermanence of life and of my body (weāre all going to die :)). Now I give them to myself with needles from amazon, I let friends tattoo me, I get them on a whim when Iām traveling. I think a lot of people are scared of carrying physical markers of all the different people theyāve been (myself included), but I think doing so is actually a great practice in self acceptanceācarrying all those versions of you, on you, all the time, baring them for others to see. The ones I got 4 years ago that I wouldnt get today donāt bother me even though I no longer resonate with them; theyāre a personal history of sorts. And because of the whole death thing, all tattoos are temporary :)
Mar 25, 2024
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Jan 25, 2025
dress up your dinner table for one. itās like dating yourself and honestly, you should be so lucky
Feb 3, 2025
š„Ŗ
arranging bits of food in my bento box the night before work is such a meditative activity. from the moment i put the box in my bag, bike to the office, place it in the fridge, and finally eat itāitās all i can think about. the feeling of pride and accomplishment just sets me up for a great day (and makes me feel super smug too).
i think it might be because growing up in estonia, we never had to do this. it was considered odd if you did. school meals were free and all offices had a cafeteria where lunch attendance was pretty much mandatory with the repercussions of social suicide.
10 years ago i moved to the netherlands where lunch is just a bag of sliced bread and a packet of gouda or salami you get from the closest grocery store. and thatās every. single. day. wat de boer niet kent, dat vreet hij nietāwhat the farmer doesn't know, he doesn't eat. iām not dutch, nor a farmer, and i like to be in the know about food so this way of thinking just aināt my jam (hehe wink wink).
donāt get me wrong, i was and still am so appreciative of our school lunches and simultaneously think of everyone who had no other choice but to plan and pack their meals on the daily. if you did, iām super curious to know how you feel about it now. do you still do it? does it bring you as much joy as it does for me?? do you even think about it? lmk :))))
Jan 27, 2025