Every once in a while I would get the urge, buy a pack, and feel physically bad and dried out inside of my body after smoking, so I wanted to do it less and less. itās been years and I still think about it sometimes though!
Jan 14, 2025
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started buying my own cigs at the start of last year to get through a rough patch. it was me and my marlboro golds against the world back then. was too broke to afford to buy them super regularly so i'd have to ration over weeks. and luckily (not really) my friends also started smoking around the same time so i could bum off them if need be. i've been quitting since i properly started and i haven't bought a pack in a while now. moved onto strictly social smoking but i go out often enough it makes this a tad redundant. i don't desperately fiend for it as much, i could hardly finish the last one i had but god does a drunk cig feel good af.
also as someone who does biomed, your reminder and mine that smoking is really bad for you btw!!! we really need to invent smoking that isn't a health hazard.
Apr 9, 2024
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The urge is strong this morning
Feb 27, 2024
I'll admit not the best use of my free will. Sometimes I think we just do things as adults because no one is around to really scold us anymore. My ex step mom told not to smoke when I was like four... if only she saw me lmao.
I had like 16 left in this pack and I just threw em away.
After a while my knees would buckle and I'd feel so fatiqued after smoking. And on top of that I was bombarded with non smoking ads and boy oh boy... did that do the trick.
And yeah, I did put this in my journal because why not remeber a downward spiral in my life...?
If you smoke this is not an ad that you should quit, do whatever you want.
Mar 3, 2025
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āLife shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.ā
ā AnaĆÆs Nin
This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that Iāve safely landed at the start of my new life. Itās honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think itās important to share.
Iāve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, weād have been together for 11 years, and weāve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with peopleāto rediscover my voice.
I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. Heās been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. Iāve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see.
Iāve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitelyābut someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial andĀ logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and itās going to be tough for a while but Iām going to be better than okay!
Now Iām opening up to you. This isnāt the only abuse Iāve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible.
I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolationāand breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.
Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me š
Mar 16, 2025
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebodyābe it a relative or one of my best friendsāwas to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too š
Feb 23, 2025
Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ā
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Feb 27, 2025