Her words slammed into the soil of my soul and anything I am, think, or do will have grown from this
Dec 15, 2024
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I have many Ideas. I ponder over them like an obsessive collector; organizing, re-organizing, packing them into words so the meaning is captured, transferable. Most of my transformative experiences are unexplainable - how does one capture the depth of a still, silent night? The whispering of leaves in warm summer breezes. Vague feelings of wholism while sitting in the grass, photosynthesizing like plant ancestors - a fish swims without direction. Many call it god but the church is alienating; the word massacred and butchered beyond the recognition of what it once meant.
One idea I have kept unmolested by the opinions of others, is that these holistic experiences in nature, with friends, live music shows, where the pulse of life beats strongly, are everything. An anchor point for a life well lived. It’s not enough to just be in nature, alchemizing the circumstance missing the key ingredient. A couple of friends and I went on a trip to where the ocean went on forever, unbroken horizon. We were down by the water, sunset and glistening, warmth of the sun and sand beneath my feet. But it was nothing more than looking. I did not have access to this other way of being - locked out, truthfully, by being eaten alive by the stress of exams and stewing in the feelings of being unlovable. It is somehow within you; the trees and ocean reflect it back to me. A quality of self brought out by sincerity and solitude. It’s everything, reflected in everything worthwhile.
Apr 17, 2024
these two sentences hit me harder than I ever expected
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.
Feb 28, 2024
“To exist in this body is war,” she whispered, her voice so soft it nearly escaped me, as if she recoiled from the weight of the words that had slipped past her lips.
“Every day, I am dissected as if I am the anomaly in this world, not the systems they built upon the backs of those who came before,” she chuckled, as if this truth — this burden — had been her constant companion.
“Looking at her then, perhaps truly seeing her for the first time, the enormity of it struck me. Somewhere between then and now, life’s weariness had etched itself onto her face. Lines I had once interpreted as joy and laughter now seemed more like scars, healed over with a stubborn refusal to be erased, a silent declaration: “This will not break me.” And for a fleeting moment, I had believed it. But now, beneath the willow, where sunlight once filtered through the leaves in a warm embrace, a sense of her depleted fight hung heavy in the air. The light itself felt different now, thin and frail, mirroring how all the blood she had shed seemed to have cost her more than if she had never bled at all….
After the Fire, We Remain, page 30 — P.N.G
May 8, 2025
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i sense the most reliable path to true contentment and fulfilment in this life may be found by focusing not on ‘what will make me happy’ but on ‘how can I be useful to those I love and my community’.... the two are by no means mutually exclusive and i believe the first can only ever be found through the second.
Jun 18, 2024