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Day dreaming about what your life could‘ve been like if you had made a different decision

I love my life, so this isn’t in an escapism sort of way. I more so can feel what my life would’ve been like in different scenarios. I can sense what it would’ve been like if I went to vet school in Vermont, or if I had actually left my abusive ex that chilly night in October, or if I had gone to art school in DC, or moved to Portland instead of staying in Chicago and going to therapy. I like to think that all of those versions are happening in different timelines 🧬

@mossyelfie

Sep 16, 2024

📜

changing my majors during my bachelor's degree

Originally I went in with a double major in sociology and communications because I felt like I needed to major in at least one "sensible" major so I chose communications. But I took philosophy as my sequence and I fell in love with it. My then lecturer invited students to this philosophy symposium and he saw my interest in philosophy (I had never dared even think about why I kept choosing philosophy modules during my degree) so he said I could speak to philosophers there and ask them about their work so that I could also see what the field was like. I almost didn't go but I went and I knew that philosophy wasn't a passing fascination for me. I didn't want to go because I was scared of having to tell my parents that I wanted my double major to be philosophy and sociology i.e. two interests that people told me were not a sensible career path. But I loved it and I realised that I could actually just go to the offices and change my majors and no one could stop me so I did. People were dubious of my decision but I ended up tutoring second years in modern philosophy, African philosophy and the ethics of AI, and now I am doing my masters, so I would say that it is a moment where I exercised my free will that worked out. It isn't my favourite because it worked out though. It is my favourite because I was willing to risk it not working out. I exercised my free will fully knowing that it might "go wrong" and I did it anyways because I decided that the chance of it going right was worth it and I trusted myself to live with whatever the outcome would be. I still feel the electric sensation of being assertive in a decision that I made on the basis that I wanted to do something because it would make me happy, not because I was concerned with the shame of not meeting people's expectations. Funnily enough I actually loved communications and I still keep up with research in it, its just that my favourite parts about communications are also not the "this will get you a job" sensible aspects of it, those parts were just okay to me. This decision had a domino effect on how I live my life, it got me back into making art, it made me interested in film, made me realise that I love teaching, and perhaps most importantly it made me brave. There is a version of me somewhere that is too timid and afraid to really live but instead, because of that one moment where I said "fuck it" and just did what I wanted to do without overthinking it, I am passionately and intensely alive. And prone to getting my hopes up lol.

@ngaatee

Sep 27, 2024

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accepting the 80:20 rule

spent the last five or so years in a maze of ennui and self-pity, but i have in the last 18 months slowly been clawing my way towards something resembling the life i want to be living. i can see the end of the tunnel now, but strangely that amplifies my impatience. when things seemed more hopeless it was perversely sort of freeing - i didn’t know where i should be going, so i wasn’t in a rush. now that i have the full map in my hands i have nothing left to do but drive towards the end. that’s exactly what i wanted, in a sense, but now i have the burden of actually executing on the promises i made to myself - turns out that’s harder than making the promises in the first place! who knew

@dotmatrices

Mar 3, 2025

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Starting over

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” — Anaïs Nin This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that I’ve safely landed at the start of my new life. It’s honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think it’s important to share. I’ve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, we’d have been together for 11 years, and we’ve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with people—to rediscover my voice. I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. I’ve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see. I’ve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitely—but someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial and  logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and it’s going to be tough for a while but I’m going to be better than okay! Now I’m opening up to you. This isn’t the only abuse I’ve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible. I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolation—and breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom. Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me 💌

@taterhole

Mar 16, 2025

62

🧸

Never changing

My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌

@taterhole

Feb 23, 2025

34

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Finally Quitting the job that you hate

Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ✅💅

@taterhole

Feb 27, 2025

48