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yes these people are hurting and don’t currently have the tools to cope with their trauma, which is sad and worthy of compassion
but also
you didn’t deserve to be constantly subject to their toxic behaviors, and you cannot keep minimizing your own pain for the sake of the “relationship” or “hoping for the best” as you white-knuckle through the trauma they caused
Oct 11, 2024
Related Recs
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Everyone deserves to acknowledge the things that hurt them and the fact that past traumas can make you anxious/make it more difficult to perform tasks that may seem easy for others. That however, does not mean you should go ahead and use those events as ammunition to excuse yourself from being a kind, respectful human being.
For instance, let's say you have roommates and they've kindly let you know several times that you need to clean up after yourself as the apartment is getting messy and it's a shared space. Despite them asking nicely, you accuse them of triggering you because being told to clean reminds you of the toxic relationship you had with your parents at home. All of a sudden they are now actively attacking your mental health and they have to either clean up after you since you refuse to do so or continue leaving the apartment a mess until you potentially change your mind. (I know this this might seem like an extreme example, but I've witnessed something very similar irl and there's far too many tiktoks of people mentioning similar experiences for me to think this is a singular experience.)
Now look, it is important to inform others of our limitations so that there's less friction as we navigate different environments and work on ourselves, but weaponizing the terminology we learn in therapy or online to victimize yourself and blame others for shrugging off your own responsibilities is far from healing. We share this planet with a bunch of other people, we are not isolated ecosystems. And as much as we can ask others to accommodate us, we must also do some internal work ourselves to meet them halfway.
We all are fighting our own personal demons and merit the space to address them, but there is a massive difference between understanding our issues to heal and grow from them versus using them to excuse destructive actions and accuse others of triggering us for suggesting alternatives/challenging our perspectives.
Nov 27, 2024
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What you allow in your life (ie poor behavior, bigotry, inconsideration, etc.),
you‘re subconsciously saying this behavior is ok. I know, I know. ”But what does it say about me if I am not accepting of others?”
In the grand scheme, you’re saying “I’m ok with people treating those I care about like shit.“
This is a hard one to learn. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, that same benefit of the doubt is enabling flat out shitty people to keep being shitty people.
So what do you do? You want to make sure everyone feels cared for? Start with yourself. The next time that one friend who says everything that’s on their mind hurts your feelings, tell them. watch How they react. Watch if they do it again. And decide from there. Because at the end of the day, you aren‘t obligated to keep people in your life, whatever the reason.
Jan 29, 2025
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whenever i find myself in these situations i remind myself that we are all subject to the same cycles of suffering, the same grasping and the same resistance to change. i can recall many times where i have been an annoyance or a negative person and it's usually due to an internal problem that i'm dealing with. i like to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that their behavior is likely a result of their own suffering.... always reminding myself that the negativity of others is not mine to carry. i think that the western way of thinking (huge emphasis on self-centeredness, individuality, seeking for power) allows us to slip into this headspace, where you are upset with others for not doing things the way you would or simply doing things that disrupt our own activities, very easily. it's not necessarily your fault but more so how we've been conditioned... practicing compassion seems easy in theory but can be very hard in practice sometimes. providing yourself with gentle reminders about the truths of our silly little existence is the best way to counteract the irritation you feel at times. remind yourself that we are just little animals and that these feelings are just weather and it will pass.
Jan 29, 2025
Top Recs from @thickrimmedgirl
bc it’s what I originally wanted when I first went to college at 17 but I was scared to make writing my job and got a B.S. in Nutrition instead lol
Now the goal is an eventual PhD in Victorian Literature but I’m just happy to have made it through this part at 32!
Stacked is everything I read in my English courses—barely pictured are the 5 stuffed accordion folders of other reading materials under my chair haha
May 16, 2024
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the only place i win the social interaction
Aug 21, 2024
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conflusional. delonfident, even
Oct 1, 2024