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Sometimes you can just exist. you don’t (hopefully) need 50 hustles. You don’t need to be a writer and musician and artist and podcaster and influencer and girlboss or whatever. you don’t even need to signal how cool or smart or attractive you are. I know it’s hard cause I think our society incentives (forces?) people to be “on” all the time, but it’s probably better for your own sake to just exist for yourself and your love ones and to adjust your expectations of what a successful or meaningful life is.
Sorry for being pedantic, just know a lot of friends and family my age or younger that seem to be struggling right now in all sorts of ways. Just know, regardless of what anyone says or even what you say or do, that you guys have inherent dignity and you are worth something
Oct 9, 2024
Related Recs
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Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way— that’s really crummy, and I’m sure that once you feel that way everything feels like confirmation of being unspecial. But in a very very real way, you might be bored with yourself because you know yourself so well— other people don’t know you. You could walk into a bar or a cafe or an event and you would be new to at least one person there. If you feel like you aren’t interesting conversationally, are you a good listener? In a very honest way, the people I’ve found hottest and most intriguing are always good listeners, and people who are quiet and incisive. It’s okay if you don’t talk on and on; a lot of “interesting” people are just filling space with noise. Noise is always briefly exciting or interesting, but that doesn’t mean it has substance or adds value. Trust me on this, I’m a performer and frankly so many nights I’m just making noise.
So first piece of advice is, approach yourself as if you were a stranger— look at everything about you like you’ve never ever seen it before, and start to notice what you like. Then build on those things. Like, it’s okay if you hate your clothes, but do you have one jacket/shirt/earring that you love? Wear that so much, and slowly look out for pieces that make you feel like the thing you love— it’s okay if it takes time, the outfits that make me feel dynamic are all cobbled together from stuff I found over years.
Then look at other people, what do you find interesting about them? I am a knockoff of every woman I ever thought was cool— my summer camp counselor, my gender studies TA from my first year of college, my mom, and literally everyone else. That’s okay though, mimicking what you like is a way of developing your taste, and you will put yourself together in a way that’s a little different and totally your own.
It’s okay if it takes time— sometimes we have seasons where we don’t like ourselves a ton, but they do pass, and who you will be in a year is a brand new person— you haven’t met them yet, and you might love them. Tiny practical advice? Go for walks; it’s good for your body, it releases endorphins, and it gives you a chance to people watch/observe nature. Read something small; it can be a single poem, or an essay, or a children’s book— I love Howl’s Moving Castle and if I’m feeling stuck in a rut I read that, even though it’s a children’s book. If reading isn’t your thing watch a movie or a TV episode, but whatever you consume, watch it and take notes, like you‘re a secret critic— note what you liked, whether it’s costumes or language or the vibe, and what you didn’t, and then you can find more things like it— that’s how you develop your own taste, and it’s a good way to develop language around art and media.
All critics and essayists and everyone whose job is to write interestingly about art started with shit they liked in middle school, and built on that to find their own language— you can do that too.
Sorry for the hugely long post, but I promise that you are more interesting than you give yourself credit for, and there are people in the world who will see that.
Feb 19, 2024
because wanting to be liked by everyone ALL THE TIME is far too exhausting and never worth it.
“just be yourself” is probably the most basic piece of advice ever given and yet somehow it’s taken me 24 years of my life to finally start considering it. funny how life works!
May 16, 2025
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I don’t think it’s healthy to say “my brand“. What does that even mean. Maybe I’m not internet famous enough to get what that’s all about but im guessing it means to be marketable to other people. To appear cooler than you actually are. If that’s the case don’t do that. Just be you man why the hell do you want to be treated like an object. You breathe. You live.
Mar 14, 2024
Top Recs from @oldmanname
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Eat yogurt, kimchi/sauerkraut, miso, kefir, kombucha, pickles, certain soft cheeses cause they’re good for you
I never had a problem shitting I just like funky foods and pretending my gut is a nightclub where all the bacteria are dancing and having a good time like it’s osmosis jones or something
Feb 12, 2024
Feb 13, 2024
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There's nothing like doing shit in the morning. Heading out to surf or walking your dog with a ripping hot cup of coffee. If you gotta get actual stuff done you're hella productive. If you need to go somewhere like the gym it's less busy. If you wanna write or paint or something it's quiet and peaceful. You get all the "me" time it's hard to get any other time.
Feb 1, 2024