Rec | A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP WITH THE VOICES

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a complicated RELATIONSHIP witH the voices

i was actually just having this convo with someone! i find that people who do have a monologue like me find it hard to believe people don’t. i’ve heard you guys think in feelings and connections like a flow chart but like how do you do that without words lol. for me the voice doesn’t belong to anyone! it’s not mine, it’s not gendered, it’s not identified…it’s just a voice. i also find people without an internal monologue seem to think we have a narrator dictating our every action but it a bit more abstract than that.
my brain is never quiet as there’s always a voice processing my emotions, reactions and perceptions at all times. but the processing isn’t complete thoughts with proper punctuation, just a constant barrage of information, working in tandem with images and feelings. its likely why i’m prone to over thinking and snowballing (when i was on SSRIs briefly, it all definitely got more quiet up here).
also, i’ve noticed a lot of people who don’t have a monologue also can’t do the classic “picture the apple” test but is that the case? if you can picture the apple do you think pictorially? i just couldn’t imagine not having my consciousness mutter in the back of my head constantly.

@deardoveswings

Sep 30, 2024

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@imkhushi

Okay I have much to say in response. Firstly, I CAN picture an apple. Visual imagination comes super natural to me! Also, I totally thought it was just a straightforward narration too so thats good to know. As far as how I think without the words, the best parallel I can draw is like when you and your bff look at eachother from across the room when something weird happens and even tho neither of you guys say anything, you immediately download an understanding of what they’re trying to say just from their expression. There is literally no need to assign words to their message bc you just understand it. Thats how thoughts feel to me. I don’t need to “speak“ them bc they just enter my knowingness ig. Although I see how this protects me from overthinking like you said bc I don’t have thoughts and reactions to everything all the time. I kind of only ever have a thought when it’s prompted. Otherwise my anxiety manifests super physically. So like meditating is so easy for me bc shutting off my thoughts is instant and effortless but that doesn’t help with my generalized anxiety because I feel it like nausea, headaches, chest and neck tightness, dizziness, and other somatic stuff. Weird! Thanks for sharing🩷

Sep 30, 2024

@imkhushi

imkhushi it’s tough in terms of me trying to express my feelings because imagine ur my therapist and you ask me how I feel and all I can explain is “something ambiguously Bad” lol so it’s def pros and cons

Sep 30, 2024

@deardoveswings

imkhushi ah the knowing look analogy makes so much sense! that really helped put things in perspective for me. it’s interesting how the differing thought processes can affect mental health. also i find it funny bc i have so much issue trying to meditate for that exact reason. having an internal monologue for me is like having a long stream of consciousness poem going all the time.

Sep 30, 2024

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