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For too long I have been ignorant to the joy of casually and spontaneously perusing a grocery store. Finally, I enter with no list in hand. No agenda. No stress about filling my weekly nutritional quotas. Instead I became a woman led only by curiosity and intuition (perhaps my highest state). Behold the wonders of the produce aisle. God lives in the produce aisle. Then the nectarine chose me and I chose the nectarine. We were perfectly complete in one another's company. I left with a bill of exactly 1 dollar and became one nectarine richer. Perfect.
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The afternoon sun beats down on you and in your hand is a nectarine you purchased from a stall this morning and it is perfectly ripe. The juice runs all the way down your forearm until it touches your elbow as you bite into the fruit, and it is so sweet and it tastes like all the sun and like all the summer youโve ever known and so for a while you just sit. You close your eyes and you lick your lips and listen to the waves lap onto the shore and the cicadas serenading the sea. The air is heavy with Pine and with Ocean and with that delicious Nectarine and your mouth is watering and so you release your inner-fatty and scoff the rest of it in several swift bites and then sit in the sun with your sticky hands outstretched, palms facing the sky.
Jun 15, 2024
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Started packing lunch recently to save some money.
Clementines felt like a good entry-level fruit. Theyโre also designed and packaged by God to be perfect for bringing to work.
I instantly got addicted to clementines. Ate about 4-5 per day.
Now Iโm trying to get into some deeper cuts. Bought some apples this week. Theyโre super good too.
Feb 27, 2025
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ugh just something about it makes each sip a delight.
I most frequently got this one as a treat for work if I was feeling sluggish or having a rough day. It gave me a moment of respite from the hustle n bustle of the kitchen
Nov 26, 2024
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I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers flow in the right direction, will the earth turn as it was taught, and if not how shall I correct it?
Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven, can I do better?
Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows can do it and I am, well, hopeless.
Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it, am I going to get rheumatism, lockjaw, dementia?
Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing. And gave it up. And took my old body and went out into the morning, and sang.
Mar 5, 2024
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just got off another google meets call, feels great. feels good you guys liked me enough to want to hang out with me for a sec, maybe even you liked me enough to want to pay me 2 dozen dollars every hour just to be in my presence. feels like i made some new friends and expressed myself in a healthy way.
Apr 8, 2024
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i like doing this sometimes because instead of being a chore it's an artistic activity. silly but it allows me to take a step away from the fear that i am unclean in essence, because i'm no longer playing myself so there's nothing to prove or avoid.
also: telling myself i only have to put away 10 items or clean for 5 minutes (instead of telling myself to clean the entire apartment) makes it much easier to convince myself to start, and i usually end up getting much more done once i'm in the zone.
Mar 17, 2024