We can stick anything into the fog and make it look like a ghost but tonight let us not become tragedies. We are not funeral homes with propane tanks in our windows, lookinā€™ like cemeteries. Cemeteries are just the Earthā€™s way of not letting go. Let go. Tonight letā€™s turn our silly wrists so far backwards the razor blades in our pencil tips canā€™t get a good angle on all that beauty inside. Step into this with your airplane parts. Move forward and repeat after me with your heart: ā€œI no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.ā€ Make love to me like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did. Go slow. Iā€™m new to this. But I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop without jumping. I have realized that the moon did not have to be full for us to love it, that we are not tragedies stranded here beneath it, that if my heart really broke every time I fell from love Iā€™d be able to offer you confetti by now. But hearts donā€™t break, yā€™all, they bruise and get better. We were never tragedies. We were emergencies. You call 9 ā€“ 1 ā€“ 1. Tell them Iā€™m having a fantastic time.
Aug 6, 2024

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just found this track on spotify and i think it's just beautiful, speaks about extending yourself to someone and letting fear just be, not letting it control you but not suppressing it either. it really speaks to my life right now, trying to be genuine for someone without overwhelming myself. -- Your fingers laced in mine like five tourniquets, stopping empty words that flow from my empty nervous lips, your fingers like tourniquets. I'm enjoying the silence like this, i can hear the sound of your lips as you read me Robert Frost. And silence cross fades into a bliss that has stuck with me this week, the sound of Frost on your Lips, "Not Even The Rain" you say as you read me E.E. Cummings. I read Kevin Fitzpatrick yesterday, he talked about reading poems to his partner Tina, she was moving to a farm in Northern Minnesota. A tourniquet is that look that you give when you're right where you're supposed to be, and i know there's so many places to be. And i've never met someone who is at so many at once, even sometimes gracefully, even sometimes gracefully. Gracefully, you tell me about New York, gonna see Bruce Springsteen on broadway, i kiss you in some Portland driveway, you say sorry for being so many places at once, you wanna feel grounded with me, I say i don't wanna be your rock i want to be your sea legs If you move on will you at least give me a five star yelp review so i can be friends with your friends, my collar for your tears, my sleeve for your snot, a bout of crying as you tell me about fear of loss and giving which leads to loss which leads to fear making it hard to give your fingers laced in mine like five tourniquets, stopping words that we'd forget, i won't forget that look that you give, tie it above the wounds, i've had a rough month or two, you're like my sea legs. making out in some Portland Strangers driveway, gettin dizzy as we stumble the long way to my house, the feeling of motion as we lay still in my bed and you read me Frost and Cummings and Elliot, the feeling of motion as i lay still and you show me: how to put a moment on a page, i hang some pictures up at my new place you light the sage, your spirits lift the room higher and higher i let some dire feelings of loosing you burn with the sage i put you on pages and pages of moments and moments I got nothing to hide, you tell me about your friend Joseph who see's through peoples lies. Sometimes you hid behind your eyes making it much more potent when i see right through them, and i see right through them I let fear of you moving on burn with the sage, i put silent moments of your tourniquet fingers on the page, and i listen to your breathing and the sounds of kids playing at the school across the street as we lay through the afternoon. My collar for your tears my sleeve for your snot, some happy crying as we leave behind fear of loss, only giving, which led me here, in your arms, without fail, over moments and moments, and pages, and again only moments which lead me here in your
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Youā€™re not doing well and finally I donā€™t have to pretend to be so interested in your on going tragedy, but Iā€™ll rob the bank that gave you the impression that money is more fruitful than words, and Iā€™ll cut holes in the ozone if it means you have one less day of rain. Iā€™ll walk you to the hospital, Iā€™ll wait in a white room that reeks of hand sanitizer and latex for the results from the MRI scan that tries to locate the malady that keeps your mind guessing, and I want to write you a poem every day until my hand breaks and assure you that youā€™ll find your place, itā€™s just the world has a funny way of hiding spots fertile enough for bodies like yours to grow roots. and I miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bullseye, or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47, I wanted to tell you that itā€™s my birthday on Thursday and I would have wanted you to give me the gift of your guts on the floor, one last time, to see if you still had it in you. I hope our ghosts arenā€™t eating you alive. If Iā€™m to speak for myself, Iā€™ll tell you that the universe is twice as big as we think it is and youā€™re the only one that made that idea less devastating.
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weā€™re careeningā€” well, that sounds dramatic. not careeningā€” but sliding, holding you and myself in placeā€” because my disposition leads (and has always led) to believing abandon reckless will kill if I let it as close as myself and yourself held only by bicycle rope or kayak rope or moving box rope side beside inside truckbed backseat forgone throats slicked with City of Roses forest gin and Artemis Moons Iā€™m sober and youā€™re not Iā€™m anxious and youā€™re not youā€™re carefree spit-balling about side parts and saying love and love as we pass long-haul truckersā€” eyesclosed Lyft driversā€” that pinkie-promise coworker to fast friend elbow to elbow barefoot to clogs off in the cab shallow river dipping mask off cheek pinch I-tell-everyone-youā€™re-my-cousin kind of love that no mother could ever that no father could ever that kind of love that door we kicked down and threw into that mustard bonfire of before that old worthless hinge donā€™t work so wonā€™t bother not ever not now not in this truckbedā€” I toss my thoughts to traffic fine me $900 for littering lock me up for language you say what a beautiful city my glasses are in my pocket those empty offices stacked apartments and windowbeam glitterblurs fall into the nightvoid Iā€™ve seen beautiful and more unmatched in those words you weave so keep weaving themā€” Iā€™ll be here listening long after we pull into the driveway. (& if u like it, I linked my poetry newsletter :)
May 14, 2024

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