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Itâs a skill that only gets less scary with practice. Do it with people you wonât ever see again, and do small things! As you get more confident then you can level up to bigger conflict. Like, itâs really amazing how much things arenât that big of a deal. Anxiety makes it seem to us like weâre unsafe for stating our needs.
My journey was one that included a lot of therapy, which if you look at my stuff I recommend a lot. I was always very willing and able to stand up for others, but not myself, so I did a lot of questioning âif this was someone else, would I be okay with it?â and imagining that I was standing up for younger me. Often times over the top people pleasing was a survival tool that was needed, but isnât any more.
Also⌠realize you donât have to be a bitch. Asking for respect and your needs to be met isnât bitchy. Does that mindset stop you from standing up for yourself? Conflict can be very simple, straightforward, and respectful. If someone goes off on you, thatâs their issue. And thatâs something that helped me a lot too- other peopleâs reactions werenât entirely because of me. If someone reacted poorly, I could also draw boundaries with how Iâm being treated. Pretty cool. Makes me feel like I can handle anything.
Lastly, I worked as a caseworker with DCFS for a few years and that really helped me in the long run. I had to work with and try to help people that hated me, and I learned a lot. While I donât recommend anyone work for DCFS bc itâs a shit system, being forced to experience conflict so much did the trick.
Jul 22, 2024
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if youâre person with anxiety like me or a person who experiences misogyny (also me) then chances are you could always get a little meaner when it comes to asking acceptable behaviour of others. looking back on times when, in the moment, i was worried that i was being too harsh by telling people how they can treat me, retrospectively i have almost never ever in my life felt i did the wrong thing. realizing this has made standing up for myself 10x easier every time i find myself needing to. showing others grace is not incompatible with showing up for yourself, in fact, one necessitates the other!
Mar 14, 2024
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There are some things going on with my family that are going to require me to have some difficult conversations. I have reflexively avoided such confrontation in the past and have instead tried to keep the peace and be a people pleaser, but I know facing the music and discussing it will make my life better and my family life better. In evolving into more self-respect I feel like it has also given me more courage overall, because it often goes hand in hand with confidence. And I am confident that I mean well and come from a place of love and understanding, so it makes it all the less scary to take on conflict. I feel really happy to have this security in myself in order to try to make the lives of my loved ones around me better.
Apr 2, 2025
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It's easy to get trapped in the intense emotions of those moments, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Try to distance yourself from the event as much as you can (don't take your work home, do something you enjoy after work, take a de-stressing nap, etc.) I've been in various support positions for over 10 years at this point, and you eventually start to get a thick skin for the irrational jerks out there, but here are some methods you can use to reframe things when it feels like too much:
- Think about the relative importance of the task at hand. So many things we get bogged down with in our day to day work is practically meaningless in the grand scheme of things. "We're not saving lives." is a phrase I hear quite a bit, so unless you actually are, it might help to think of how ridiculous it is for the person on the other end to get worked up over something not going as planned.
- Consider your worth as an individual in that moment. Just because your job is to help others doesn't mean it's not their job to treat you like a fellow human. I've had several managers over the years that have really stepped up in situations that escalated past the point of reason. Those moments helped me realize I should be advocating for myself more.
- Remember you're not responsible for other peoples' reactions. I have seen people start fuming over the most basic of obstacles, while others have approached fairly large problems with a completely calm, collected demeanor. Even if you were at fault for something that got messed up, an explosive reaction from the other side just exposes the type of person they are. It's not about you or your competence!
Hang in there, and I hope some of this helps
Aug 13, 2024
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6d ago
In Tarot, The Fool is the first card in the Major Arcana, which represents the life cycle. These cycles we are continuously going through in our lives, not just once. The final card of the Major Arcana is The World (which I have tattooed very large on my thigh), which signifies the completion of a cycle and natural ascension into the next. We are then thrust back into the Fool, with a bit more wisdom.
The Fool as an archetype is one of joy, curiosity, spontaneity, and trust. The Fool is pure of heart, knowing that the Universe has got their back. This innate trust allows The Fool to be playful, to take risks, and truly believe everything will work out. The more we go through life and experience loss, grief, heartache, trauma, the harder it becomes to embrace this energy. Iâve found that as healing goes on, just as itâs shown in tarot, we return to this natural state of being. We start off as The Fool when we are wee little babies, and if we are lucky can return there a few cycles at a time, with more wisdom gained each time. Â
The goal of The Fool is to have positive experiences, maybe for fun, maybe to grow. There is an acceptance with The Fool, a kind of âthis is what is, how can I make this work well for me?â Everything works out for The Fool because they donât know it canât. Anything we go through in life, we can use to grow. I personally believe we all could benefit embracing the archetypal energy of The Fool a bit more. The Fool doesnât stop to worry what other people will think! The Fool does not fret about what ifâs! The Fool is in the moment!
6d ago
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Humans have always danced. It is part of who we are, yet we have been conditioned to be self conscious, to think that we do not move our bodies good enough. Dancing is beyond judgement. Dancing is not a skill, it is our soul moving through our bodies, expressed in movement. Dancing is healing. Dancing is bodily autonomy. Dancing is FUN! Any feeling you are feeling can be moved through with dance yet even alone, you fear looking foolish. Kill the judge in your mind, shut the fuck up, and MOVE đ
Apr 24, 2025