When I list the things that are off bounds for a first time interaction, I then realize the sheer amount of things that are in bounds! I sort of have 3 big no-no's for first time convos, and you can decide for yourself if these feel right for you:
- party politics [I leave other kinds of politics in as fair game: class warfare or the rise of fascism or the opportunity for anarchic community building, etc.]
- religion
- personal finances
there are probably others, but those are the big 3 imo.
from there, I like to ask lots of how questions:
- how did you feel when you discovered your latest favorite song? can you pinpoint why it made you feel that way?
- how did you meet the host?
- how did you get into that hobby/line of work/subculture?
- how do you find joy/inspiration/motivation in your daily life?
- how do you like to dance?
- how good is this coors/pabst/french onion dip/potato chip/music/etc?
- how long has it been since your last speeding ticket?
- how long do you think you could last without eating a potato?
etc.
you could also ask any of the fun questions that perfectlyimperfect asks:
- fave things to put on toast
- your go-to email signature
- unique staple in your fridge
BUT TRULY!!! spencerto is right: don't over do it!
Jul 20, 2024
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bonus points if they get the reference!
extra bonus points if they donât because then i get to dive into the full lore of this interview and my complicated feelings about azealia banks, which always makes for a fun conversation starter. i usually follow up by asking if they have a problematic fave because who doesnât?
iâve found you really canât go wrong talking about things that are deeply personal like music, movies, TV, or anything tied to culture. Theyâre all great entry points! yes, the key is to be genuinely interestedâask questionsâ but also give something back (because letâs face it, sometimes youâre the one making it awkward). I think awkwardness usually comes down to trying to find a balance of reciprocity. is someone talking way too much or way too little? learn to know when the conversation is worth sticking around for and when itâs time to excercise some of that beautiful free will we all have and bounce âđ˝.
May 21, 2025
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I totally get the temptation to ask insightful and thought-provoking questions but remember sometimes you need to keep it simple. If it's a loud party with lots of people, not everyone is going to want to have a super deep conversation with someone they just met. Small talk is annoying and tedious but sometimes it's a much-needed entry point. Meet some cool people, get their contact info, and then message them later with some big questions.
Jul 20, 2024
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I find that random âwould you ratherâ type questions do wonders. Or just something a little off the wall. It Helps really break the ice, it opens up for a longer debate/ discussion, itâs so much more fun than typical, and it can give that person an impression of you being far more sociable than you are.
May 27, 2025
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1. Scroll the "everyone" feed (almost completely ignore that home/friends page)
2. Like gratuitously
3. Follow people who post things you like
4. I try to be brave and comment when feeling moved
I don't search or look for anything in particular, personally, unless I'm about to post something and curious if others have done so already. Just let the river float by and enjoy the ride
Feb 8, 2025
Mar 27, 2025
I know slavoj zizek is a fucking loser now, but his movie A Pervert's Guide to Ideology was the first piece of media that began to rub away the sheen/shellac of pretense that the world operates smoothly. It was my first time really engaging with a Marxian analysis and sitting with it. I was in high school, and it set me up to care about critical theory. From this movie, I'd read Mark Fisher's really quick book "Capitalist Realism: is there no alternative?" Fisher grounds a lot of his theory in culture/media in a very similar way to Zizek.
After that, I'd follow recommendations made by others in the thread!
Jun 18, 2024