🎂
I'm a July baby. Growing up, I spent most of my birthdays alone. Some years because my friends had left the country. Some years because I'd left the country. Some years because I had no friends. And with every year passing, the pressure to spend my birthday surrounded by friends and family and to have a good time increased. Every year I felt like a failure when I couldn't make it happen. So I stopped telling people it's my birthday.
But today is my 28th birthday.
Jul 17, 2024
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🎁
For the past 2 years, I have been trying to not spend my birthday the way that we're "supposed to (ya know a party, a dinner, the whole thing), but I've always had friends who have always wanted me to do something on it, and I'm so burned out now. But I'm so excited to just say NO and spend the day by myself!!!
Idk what imma do but I'm pumped
Apr 29, 2024
🤔
for the last three years (at least) I've noticed every birthday goes the same way- midnight starts off on a good note because I'm surrounded with my friends and there's cake and music and dancing, but when i wake up the next morning there's just this... void. not a sadness in particular, but a feeling of emptiness. i get this strange feeling of having to do something epic or cram my day with activities, cause that's what is expected? cause people are constantly asking 'ooh what plans do you have for your birthday', but what if i just want to stay in and meet some friends and have a nice time? which is exactly what i did this time with a game night, but the void the next morning persisted. i don't think it's because of me thinking of what i've achieved in the last year and how i could have done more. in hindsight, you could have always done more but it was a big year for me- i moved away from home to another continent, started my masters degree and set up my life here. i think it stems from a place of seeing others my age and making comparisons, which is not something i like doing because i have always believed everybody's track is so different and there is no way to make a fair comparison yet i still do so. and so i start thinking to myself, "oh am i too skinny to look like I'm almost in my mid 20s", or "his t-shirt is much cooler than mine", or some other superficial thing that is purely relies on physical appearances. maybe i just miss having someone i can have deep chats with without feeling like I'm boring them or pressurising them to stay and listen, maybe i should just reach out to some friends from back home, which I've always found tough to do but better late than never
Apr 27, 2025
🎂
i’ve done it.
i’ve managed to stress myself out over figuring out how to spend mine this year…
realized how little i know the people that are closest to me at this moment
(been living in a new city for 1yr)
seems like i rather spend it alone than with people i don’t feel that close with…
but i know i will be lonely and !maybe! regret it…?
but perhaps i’ll b happier?
i always get emotional during this time:
when i realize i’m growing and getting older
May 28, 2025
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✨
I hadn't seen my friend since New Year's Eve. Now it was October, her wedding day, and she barely gave me the chance to gush over her gorgeous dress, her makeup, her jewelry.
"You look happier," she said. "Your energy has changed. It's much calmer now. I'm happy for you."
I love her for taking the time out of her special day to notice me like that.
Oct 13, 2024
We got the call just after 7pm. My dad had gone for a run, collapsed, and was found dazed and confused by his friends, who called an ambulance.
I drove my mom to the ER. We spent four endless hours at my dad's bed, waiting for test results that took forever to reach us. Just before midnight, the doctor told us my dad's heart was okay, but they'd keep him overnight for observation. My mom and I were sent home. We hadn't eaten yet.
The house felt wrong when we came home. Empty without my dad. I started crying.
"You have to eat something," my mom said. She dug up some chicken nuggets from the depths of the freezer. Everything felt incomplete with just the two of us there, but after a couple of chicken nuggets, we thought for the first time that everything would turn out okay. My dad is too stubborn to go like that. Especially when there are chicken nuggets to be eaten with his family.
Jun 22, 2024
🛏
"If the two of you are so good together, why don't you make a move?" my friend asked me in a dream about the guy I was ever so slowly falling for. Those words echoed through my mind for months, from the first date till the final breakup.
Jun 14, 2024