Learned this in a customer service context, but it’s also been very helpful in my personal life. Basically the idea that if you know what you’re gonna say is just gonna piss the other person off, strongly consider not saying it even if you’re right. Huge tool to save your emotional energy.
Jul 17, 2024
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It bums me out whenever someone's trying to say something but cuts themselves off or says "nevermind" because they assume that they're wasting time. Think it through, or let it come back to you. 3 years ago, I started saying, "Talk through the thought" with my friend, and I think it's made me more patient, and I've ended up hearing/saying some cool shit (or at least some funny shit) that I would've probably missed out on otherwise.
Feb 23, 2024
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i wish people were better at this. big sign of emotional maturity i think is when people are actually capable of this. things happen and if you can’t talk them through what are you meant to do? just let it stew so it gets worse? let it destroy a relationship for no reason? fuck all that. have the conversations so you can reach an understanding. we can’t read eachothers minds man
Jun 10, 2024
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This is what came to mind first:
When you get into conflict with your partner, it is okay to step away to regulate yourself, collect your thoughts, etc. It is not okay to leave the conversation entirely and then never circle back to it to finish.
In previous relationships of mine, it felt like we always were in ongoing conflict. We never actually came to a close of any one conflict, it was just that one or both of us was too tired so we left it and just moved on.
I had a therapist that really drilled into me that arguably one of the most important parts of conflict is the coming together afterwards. Even if you have to get to a space of agree to disagree, making an effort to reconnect in your love for another actually closes the argument and maintains the relationship.
This can also help with the piling on of past conflicts that can happen. “ well, you also did this and you always do this.!” if you actually had closed that conflict previously, you wouldn’t need to bring it up to get validation for it. That was another rule that I was taught: when you bring something up, be specific and stay in the present moment. That doesn’t mean you can’t bring up a pattern, but you have to be able to tie that back to a specific action of some kind. Even if you allude to it being a pattern, bring it back to talking about the specific example that you brought up. It just makes things a lot easier, and also helps from making any assaults on somebody’s character.
Jan 17, 2025
Top Recs from @tortitude
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We know what’s for dinner this week
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My favorite way to spend vacation time in a different city.
Mar 20, 2024