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For years i would dream

that I inherited a house with a previously undiscovered subterranean level with dingy muted-color plush-or-shag-carpeted rooms that looked like they hadn’t been touched since the 1950s-1970s depending on their style and everything was covered with a thick layer of dust.  there would be several large expansive bathrooms that were fresh and clean and I would sometimes find people in them and we would engage in territorial disputes. I haven’t had one of these in a while. Realizing I had missed math class for the entire semester, was failing, and I didn’t even know where it was or what my class schedule was (probably because I’m bad at math, skipped a lot of school, and did in fact fail classes as a consequence of not doing work). Always dreams of large labyrinthian buildings, often schools with a grand entrance hall and a huge performing arts theater, but sometimes nightmarish facsimiles of luxury apartment buildings and their residents which are already disturbing enough in reality.   A shopping mall with a two-story Walgreens that has escalators inside.  There’s a movie theater at the mall where you enter and go up a cramped set of stairs to get to the lobby, and a department store that’s more on the level of a Kohl’s than something upscale. Wild animals (lions, tigers and bears—oh my!) stalking the streets at night and I’m the only one who notices or cares.  Going to a dimly-lit combination zoo/aquarium/museum where all of the interior rooms are black, animals are just roaming free, and I never get to see every exhibit. Pet stores with hundreds of aisles filled with cages of mistreated cats and dogs. Once I dreamt that I found a parrot with all of its feathers plucked bare and a broken beak.  I nursed it back to health and it transformed into a mighty leopard. A dusty old town center somewhere close to Mexico in the old west.  Escaping from mass shooter and murderer situations.  Evil shape shifting entities that I recognize from previous dreams.  Watching a movie and then I’m in the movie or the same with video games.   Oh and also my pets often accompany me on my journeys!

@taterhole

Apr 2, 2024

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I remember almost all my dreams

It’s the best and the worst. So many dreams that sometimes idk if my memories are real or just past dreams I had. my reoccurring themes are: -car crashes (every dream in which I drive I lose control of the car and crash) -sexual harassment or assault (all by creepy old men) -teleporting (I teleport a lot in my dreams, once I went inside a change room in the mall and ended up in japan) -fights ( I beat the shit out of people in my dreams but I swear I’d never do that irl…👀) -animal attacks ( bears, raccoons, rats, pumas, horses?!?!)

@josefina

Mar 29, 2024

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It’s been different

Linked is an older post I made about my running themes in my dreams. Lately I’ve mostly been seeing my friends and giggling with them and hugging them and going up and down hills and steps with them. Strange dreams about people from my past too where they seem very wounded and vulnerable. And then this was a really weird one I typed up recently after waking up that I don’t even know that to make of it (now that I think about it cleaning is definitely a predominant theme): I had a dream that I had an older sister and we wanted to wear daisy dukes and bikinis and clean the house together. There were Amish or Mennonite people all around my neighborhood. I was at a bar and there were two gay men having a fun exaggerated play fight and a depressed bartender was cleaning up after them. But a very drunk woman told him he had to go around the corner where the pigeons were swarming and find what was waiting there—it seemed like it was a dead body. Then there was an Amish lady tucking her daughter into bed and she placed a carved wooden sun above the daughter’s head that opens up like an eyeball and she said it was for cooking popcorn but it was obviously to try to keep the children alive from whatever nefarious force.

@taterhole

Feb 5, 2025

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Starting over

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” — Anaïs Nin This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that I’ve safely landed at the start of my new life. It’s honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think it’s important to share. I’ve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, we’d have been together for 11 years, and we’ve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with people—to rediscover my voice. I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. I’ve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see. I’ve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitely—but someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial and  logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and it’s going to be tough for a while but I’m going to be better than okay! Now I’m opening up to you. This isn’t the only abuse I’ve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible. I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolation—and breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom. Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me 💌

@taterhole

Mar 16, 2025

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Never changing

My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌

@taterhole

Feb 23, 2025

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Finally Quitting the job that you hate

Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ✅💅

@taterhole

Feb 27, 2025

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