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😃
It’s hard to make new friends as an adult and I partly wonder if it’s because of how pure and genuine our childhood friendships are by comparison.
One of my best friends is a girl I met in sixth grade. Is so interesting the ways in which we’ve both changed and, more so, all the ways we are entirely the same people we were as adolescents.
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May 20, 2024

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the clarity and bravery that adulthood provides, in tandem with the urge to make the most of the little time you get to intimately connect with the folks who mean the most to you: these drive you to dig deeper in the single afternoon you have to catch up, talking uninterrupted for 5 whole hours. even going on 20 years of friendship, there is still more to learn about each other. makes sense, as you’ve spent so much time in self-examination. but now is the time to share, and presenting for show and tell are their fears and yours, hesitations and hinderances and fumbles and mistakes. each time you meet, you begin to know each other anew. here, vulnerability is safe and matter-of-fact. you speak on the knowledge you‘ve gained by suffering through experiences that they haven’t had, and between you is an easy and frank intimacy interspersed with laughter and silly noises. you’re not sure who else you could ever have this kind of conversation with. the love between friends feels honest and special, as enduring as with family. when you slowly start to shift their mindset by sharing what you’ve learned from years of struggling, from pain that seemed pointless, crushing, isolating, you start to feel that maybe there was point to it after all. most people are exhausting but you spring away to catch the C train feeling renewed, and maybe a little wise. you are no longer children together, and that‘s okay because now you revel in your shared adulthood, in your parallels and your growth
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one of my favorite things about getting older is learning that this happens! my childhood best friend and i drifted way apart in high school and college, but over the past couple years have found that we actually have a lot in common again and have reconnected. we were always in each other’s lives but now it’s in a much deeper way. now i’m less anxious when i feel drifting from other friends — if we’re ever on the same path again, we’ll find each other. letting the ebbs and flows happen. i agree with the people who said it’s nice to reach out in small ways just to keep them in your orbit without putting a lot of pressure on ~connecting~
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i know they can understand me on a different level & it makes them so much more approachable. if we share developmental lore i can feel way more comfortable with them. sometimes you just know that you would have been great friends with someone if you'd both met earlier in your timelines, and that endears me to someone a lot.
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