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I thought think about texting you. But then I surrender in the ocean.  Im reminded that love comes in waves and some things are meant to remain in the depths. That was a lovely time and season we’ll never get back. It was summer but winter is inevitable. 
Apr 24, 2024

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there are things i think are weird  but it’s not that they are actually  weird  it’s that they are unusual  or they bring me a new perspective — one that i’m not so used to — like seeing an orange tractor on the side of the road  surrounded by three men in orange  construction suits  in the middle of the french countryside  or the fact that  at the beach yesterday, the foggy glimpse of land, the island we could see in the distance was the british island of jersey. it made me think about how the world is really so small  and that we, humans, are the ones  that make it seem so big and  vast.  we are the ones that over complicate over think over populate  over build over use  over dignify ourselves  when we are just merely visitors in this never ending universe. and somehow, in some  situations that idea is  safety and  comfort. it’s refreshing  to know that as messy and as complicated  our lives are, none of it  actually matters. because if nothing matters, we can get away with a lot. we can be mean and  crazy and stupid  and in love  and happy and hungry for more and sad  and lively and alone.  but then i remember that “we are not a drop in the ocean we are the ocean in a drop” and we don’t have to pretend that our  emotions are meaningless  and that our lives aren’t meant to be lived  and we aren’t meant to be thought about and  cared for and loved.  the things we feel are real and they hurt. they are painful.  they are beautiful.  they stay and they pass.  just like the fog that covers up jersey — just like the tractor on the side of the road — just like us.
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i toss and i turn with the pillow staying put, welcoming a new wave of anxiety with each movement 2:18 on the clock and the fan adds more momentum to my unattainable thoughts buried in the need to see, and learn the unknown yet, i lay on the surface as a parched rock in the middle of my favorite beach, reeking of the current simplicities of life though its surely a blessing in disguise which i might recall five years from now standing by, holding onto my innocence, waiting to believe in a miracle or see a comet pass by in the dark night sky
Mar 1, 2025

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