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Every day I look forward to smoking a couple cigarettes and my 8 PM meditation
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the day i find someone who wants to sit down n share a cig with me is the day i will be truly content in life.
because if i think about it, in 5 years of me having gained consciousness, i have never had anyone ever come upto me and go 'hey wanna smoke?' n that is upsetting. (i promise im good company)
Jul 19, 2024
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(every weekend)
Apr 23, 2024
Ever since I quit nicotine I don't deprive myself of a cigarette when I feel like I really need it. So it hits different, because when my emotional state is low all it takes is a cig break to feel like I'm confronting whatever it is that's weighing me down. This system is fool-proof. Sometimes I think I'm low enough for a cigarette then decide I'm not quite sad enough. So when I do smoke it's because I'm crying & absolutely losing it. Because my smoke breaks are spontaneous, I can't quite plan for them, leading to unfinished packs & a plethora of lighters. Funny enough, each lighter coincides with whatever was making me feel awful that day making it a journal of sorts for my feelings. My fav is the "take me with you" lighter because well.. I really related to that when I bought it. There's also something really protagonist-y about walking into a gas station, eyes puffy & tears streaming down your face & asking for a pack of camel menthols ... oh & a swag lighter.
Sep 19, 2024
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One thing about me is I love to leave
Apr 12, 2024
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When you’re in a slump, you’re in a slump.
Let yourself feel things. The good and the bad. I welcome them like a visitor and I invite them at the pretend dinner table in my head and get to know them, and I try not to ask them why they’re here. Why I feel things. I just let them be. Know that this will pass, just like a person visiting for a few nights and I try not to hold on to them when they’re ready to leave (yes those feelings will pass). Sounds very cliché but they do.
From my experience, the longer I fight the sadness/depression/slump, the longer it stays. I’ve learned just to take it day by day. This wouldn’t be possible without months of therapy where it was revealed to me that I’ve been so hard on myself almost my entire life.
I also meditate every night for 15-20 minutes. I take this activity so seriously, just a few minutes to close my eyes and release the tension I’ve felt the whole day. I love staying still. I love to close my eyes and think of nothing. My drive will come back.
What also helps (for me) is taking a few minutes a day to go outside and letting the sun touch my skin. It feels so good. Listen to the birds. Listen to the traffic. Just observe your surroundings and remember that there is life outside you and you are a part of something big and eventually you get inspired by something. May it be small or big. It will come back to you.
Be gentle and kind to yourself <3
Apr 25, 2024
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Solves just about anything
Dec 25, 2024