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After struggling with religious guilt and constantly making up excuses, trying to make sense of what I thought was right and what I was supposed to believe… I’m free! 100% recommend loosing your religion if you’re having a hard time reconciling right and wrong.
Apr 18, 2024
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i have been through my fair share of baptist church induced turmoil in my time and i think my issue wasn’t with the holy spirit, but with the shame and control and hatred from the people around me. and i think by becoming completely independent from those who would seek to morally control me, in that they do not have to power to strip away my basic needs and wellbeing if i were to act against the church, i have solved my immense anxiety around acting freely and speaking my mind. i used to fully disassociate during any religious discussion and now i sometimes participate in prayer, and have less anxiety around extremely religious people- what are they going to do to me? i can stand alone in the world! i have a community of like-minded people who support me! i even have expressed how i feel about the church to my parents so it doesn’t feel like i’m hiding anymore, and even though they are still in denial and that might not be feasible for you, it helped me.
there is definitely an aspect of deeply embedded shame and fear that can’t be reached by independence alone that i think i will be working on for my entire life. that’s ok, it makes me who i am, and certain parts of me that were shaped by the church are strengths. also, no matter how many times someone says you are going to literally burn in hell for eternity, it’s not true. you are not alone, and this too will pass.
May 18, 2025
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I stopped going to church several years ago and knew several years before that I didn’t belong there. For a while I was able to block it all out and run from it but there’s a lot coming to the surface now. I think I’m at a point now where I feel safe enough to feel all the things I suppressed and it’s overwhelming. All the fear and shame and the ways I betrayed myself to please others and all the stupid shit I did in the name of Jesus. I regret it all.
May 18, 2025
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i love my family and my parents did so many things right with us, but it was scary and confusing as a child to hear such mixed messages about God’s mercy and wrath. i had a lot of rapture anxiety (still do sometimes) and often feel like i'm never doing enough for the world. i was a missionary kid, so i was raised with an urgency to literally save people’s souls from an eternity in hell. and i believed it all so earnestly.
i’m learning but it’s hard to let myself make mistakes without fear of judgment or punishment. and to feel worthy of rest. and to be needy instead of always meeting other people’s needs.
it also took me until 30 to realize i’m queer because i had so much homophobia and purity culture to deconstruct before i could safely see myself.
Jul 18, 2024
Top Recs from @godgirlgun
This specific shade of yellow-green (or green-yellow depending on who you ask). It’s so bright it might as well blind me. My mom and I used to argue all the time about whether a car was yellow or green. To her (and most people), it was yellow but to me it was always green. Chartreuse is both and neither at the same time. My mom’s favorite color was yellow and mine used to be green. After she died, Chartreuse became my favorite color. It is a little bit of both, a little of bit of her and I together. Some days, it’s the only thing that makes me feel alive.
Apr 18, 2024
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Insert that one Marx quote… What can I say, spending money I barely have on things that make me feel alive will always be worth it to me! Been very into paintings recently & even purchased my very first one. Life changing! The artist is Janis Fridmanis :) I don’t care that I’m bad at managing money! I want to be surrounded by beauty and art and I want to live a meaningful life.
Apr 18, 2024
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Try things you want to try. Make friends with people who make you feel good about life. Life is limitless and so are you. Who you were yesterday and who you’ll be tomorrow are different but they’re all you! Nothing is ever set in stone so don’t worry about finding exactly who you are right away. No one truly ever does you know! Put yourself out there and try things you want to try. It sounds like a lot of empty words but don’t be too harsh on yourself in the process, you’re not just one thing or the other and you will constantly change. I wish you all the best xoxo
Apr 18, 2024