Rec
Ok this is pretty depressing, but i also find it really interesting. The first memory I can remember from the inside is when I was in the playground when I was 7. I was telling someone (I can’t even remember who) that my mum had cancer but that “she’s going to be ok though”. I remember knowing that no one had actually told me she would be ok, but that that was an extra bit I myself had added. I’m not totally sure if I even really understood what the concept of her being not ok would really involve, but I remember knowing that that was what people would want to hear and that I should add it for myself. I have some earlier memories than this, but none that include thought process so fully. It’s weird how the thought process feels the same as it does now, rather than feeling childlike, it feels the same as a thought process would feel now and I find that fascinating. I don’t know whether that moment would have stuck so strongly had my mother actually been ok, or whether it was knowing in hindsight that my lie had set up an incorrect expectation that made me feel weird about it? Who knows, but interesting nonetheless. I also find it interesting because nearly all my memories from that time are in the playground, and nearly none at home, which I imagine is my brain protecting itself. thanks brain, love you.
Apr 2, 2024
Comments
Make an account to reply.
This is such a vulnerable peak inside your heart. Thank you for sharing <3
Apr 2, 2024
Related Recs
Rec
My very first memory is a super duper random moment, stumbling over a rope bridge at a playground with my dad in my birth town, only memory there when I must have been around 2 years old.
Remember feeling somewhat confused, but beyond this momentary image no other associations with it.
I always wondered why this random ass moment was chosen to be so engrained in my brain and if it was maybe a precursor or aftermath to something else that was impactful enough to have made me register that- well if there was it did a good job hiding. In the end the symbol of both being on wonky, maybe unusual/unsteady pathways and the confusion associated with it came to be very familiar feeling for me early on in life, which I guess didn’t make it such a random memory after all.
Remember feeling somewhat confused, but beyond this momentary image no other associations with it.
I always wondered why this random ass moment was chosen to be so engrained in my brain and if it was maybe a precursor or aftermath to something else that was impactful enough to have made me register that- well if there was it did a good job hiding. In the end the symbol of both being on wonky, maybe unusual/unsteady pathways and the confusion associated with it came to be very familiar feeling for me early on in life, which I guess didn’t make it such a random memory after all.
Apr 14, 2024
Rec
🎈Not a rec but here to tell you that I also don’t remember my childhood very well. I once had a conversation where I realized *I* was the weird one for not remembering much. I kind of wondered for a long time what was wrong with me. My memory is pretty bad generally to this day :/
Just putting this here so you feel a little less alone in this. My therapist will also try to get me to remember my child self but I feel pretty removed from her. It kind of sucks, but also I feel like i get glimpses… I recently started using stickers in my journal when I’ve completed a book, and it makes me feel like a child again, but I really love it. Maybe there are glimpses that will come to you, but it’s hard to go looking for them
Just putting this here so you feel a little less alone in this. My therapist will also try to get me to remember my child self but I feel pretty removed from her. It kind of sucks, but also I feel like i get glimpses… I recently started using stickers in my journal when I’ve completed a book, and it makes me feel like a child again, but I really love it. Maybe there are glimpses that will come to you, but it’s hard to go looking for them
Aug 5, 2024
Rec
🎥the internet was not in our pockets and our brains were way fucking healthier for it.
nothing was instantaneous either. i think we all had a LOT more patience. like i ordered my prom dress off the internet and we got SCAMMED HAHAHAH like that shit doesn’t really happen now. like ordering things offline was like a MYSTERY. it was so crazy
i remember having the school phone book they’d publish every year and it was just everyone’s names & phone numbers (i think you could opt out or whatever) but if i wanted to have a play date id have to go to the phone book look up the name and then go to the oldddddd school ass phone with the twisty dial up numbers and they’re parents would answer and i’d have to be like “hi mrs. mom is your son there can i talk to him?” i’d literally call my childhood crush and we‘d talk on the phone all the time but he’d ignore me at school 🙄
i also remember like i could come home from school and it didn’t feel like i was still easily accessible to everyone. i could get away and like recharge properly each night. kids don’t have that these days and it’s soooooo fucked. the more i learn about phones and the more i teach kids, the more i sound like a conservative. im like LET THEM PLAY OUTSIDE ALONE, tell em to come back when the street lights come on!!!!!! NO PHONES until 18!!!!!!
if i could i would change the law that lets ppl market their products to kids under 12 or something. i’d make kids being given phones under 14 illegal.
another funny anecdote from the early 2000s was that in middle school, lil wayne released the carter III and i CALLED MY STEPDAD from school and said you need to pick me up so he took me to newbury comics (irresponsible) we BOUGHT the CD and i blasted it in his car on the way back to school 😂
oohhhhhhh my god also the WAY i would just sit in my room and look up lyrics on AZlyrics.com and just sing the same 4 songs over and over until i learned all the words. or like listen to the song and write out the words if they weren’t up yet 😭😭😭😭
i also opened my diary and there was an entry from like 2011 and it just starts “I love tumblr.”
i also have a lot of sweet memories of going to blockbuster with my mom 🥲 i can still smell the smelly smell and see the rug inside there and i’m half as tall as the VHS shelves 😭
there’s soooo much more, i cherish my childhood now even tho i was neglected as fuck. it was a very special time and i’m very lucky i got to experience that.
nothing was instantaneous either. i think we all had a LOT more patience. like i ordered my prom dress off the internet and we got SCAMMED HAHAHAH like that shit doesn’t really happen now. like ordering things offline was like a MYSTERY. it was so crazy
i remember having the school phone book they’d publish every year and it was just everyone’s names & phone numbers (i think you could opt out or whatever) but if i wanted to have a play date id have to go to the phone book look up the name and then go to the oldddddd school ass phone with the twisty dial up numbers and they’re parents would answer and i’d have to be like “hi mrs. mom is your son there can i talk to him?” i’d literally call my childhood crush and we‘d talk on the phone all the time but he’d ignore me at school 🙄
i also remember like i could come home from school and it didn’t feel like i was still easily accessible to everyone. i could get away and like recharge properly each night. kids don’t have that these days and it’s soooooo fucked. the more i learn about phones and the more i teach kids, the more i sound like a conservative. im like LET THEM PLAY OUTSIDE ALONE, tell em to come back when the street lights come on!!!!!! NO PHONES until 18!!!!!!
if i could i would change the law that lets ppl market their products to kids under 12 or something. i’d make kids being given phones under 14 illegal.
another funny anecdote from the early 2000s was that in middle school, lil wayne released the carter III and i CALLED MY STEPDAD from school and said you need to pick me up so he took me to newbury comics (irresponsible) we BOUGHT the CD and i blasted it in his car on the way back to school 😂
oohhhhhhh my god also the WAY i would just sit in my room and look up lyrics on AZlyrics.com and just sing the same 4 songs over and over until i learned all the words. or like listen to the song and write out the words if they weren’t up yet 😭😭😭😭
i also opened my diary and there was an entry from like 2011 and it just starts “I love tumblr.”
i also have a lot of sweet memories of going to blockbuster with my mom 🥲 i can still smell the smelly smell and see the rug inside there and i’m half as tall as the VHS shelves 😭
there’s soooo much more, i cherish my childhood now even tho i was neglected as fuck. it was a very special time and i’m very lucky i got to experience that.
6d ago
