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I have had just multiple ego deaths and I just want to write about it. I.guess as a way to process it
Mar 20, 2024
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Reccing this because got the intuitive hit yesterday that I need to finally write about my father‘s death and the hellish experience of grief possession I endured during lockdown. It’s felt like this looming experience that I know I’ve been needing to integrate, but was too scared to touch. I didn’t feel scared today when I was writing though, and I’m quite excited to make sense of a time in my life that feels very murky and icky to look back on. Who will I be?! What will I learn?! Time will tell and maybe I’ll share all about my father issues when I’m done 🤪
Aug 16, 2024
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-> is a quote from my journal that i wrote in a few long months ago. like with what i write, ever, i always expect whatever thoughts and feelings i express to amount to none or be something i cringe at. i don't want that to happen anymore, no matter how seen this account is.
-> i'll often confuse myself as to what being different means, because with black and white thinking it really is like turning an on and off switch. the changes come how i wanted them to be, and everything else different in me gets swept aside or doesn't change at all.
-> deep down, i know change needs to happen. in that same journal, i'd write off-hand phrases of "maybe some on-spirit growth can happen i don't know". i'd sweep my wishes away because they felt too grand for me to deserve or act upon.
-> right now, i'm good at acknowledging my issues and admitting to them, even if its to myself. i'm at a standstill of what to do about them, but i'm hoping to start thinking of it as practice. as a rehearsal, that being better is muscle memory. there's no switch to it and i guess i need to concurrently shape whatever i do.
-> but that's it, for something that i feel like would bring grand change to everything and everyone around me, it feels too little for such a large result. do these things really add up in scale? am i communicating this in legible words this time?
Jan 19, 2025
important part of moving on for me…getting the story on the page solidifies it, encases it in amber, makes it no longer something alive in your head. try it and see‼️
Jan 20, 2025
Top Recs from @stephwisker
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Making yourself the product just feels awful
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She's not a writer.
She's an alchemist
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They are always the hottest member of any band.
Is that just me?
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