Rec | FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THIS

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i don’t know you so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn’t apply to you. i’ve also never had a long-term romantic relationship so maybe i’m not the best person to listen to anyway. BUT i do have a beautiful community of long-lasting friendships which i believe has given me the skills to be successful in a future romantic partnership i guess my point is it might be helpful to focus on developing friendships and community first. who knows, a date might come out of it too! but i’ve gone on dates with people who don’t have many friends before and it’s turned out to be a red flag cuz they haven't had experience with relationships in general also, i've noticed the times i've most wanted to be in a relationship are times when i haven’t connected with my friends in awhile. desire for romance can be a signal for general human connection sometimes. so having a good community might fulfill some of the needs you’re feeling too. but i know it’s a different thing than being head over heels for someone… all depends on what we’re looking for i guess all the advice on this thread is great for both dating and making friends though! i hope you find lots of meaningful connections of all kinds in the process ✨

@capyboppy

Mar 16, 2024

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If it can happen to me, it can happen to you

This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again Some of the (many) things that worked for me: - Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever. - On a related note, therapy was very needed! - Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app. - Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it). Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️

@tortitude

Apr 1, 2024

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When it comes to being single, i've gone pro

I'm 25 and have never been in a serious relationship. In fact, the only time that I haven't been single was for two-ish months when I was 15. I'll go on a dates and hangout with someone for a month or so every 2-3 years but nothing ever comes out of. That's either bc they don't want anything serious or we just don't vibe together. To put the final nail in my coffin, I don't take dating apps seriously enough to find anything worth it on there too. It can be lonely, and I find myself occasionally doubting my worth to the world around me... But then I talk to people who are in relationships and hear the shit they have to deal with, and it's like an instant cure to all loneliness and self doubt LOL. I also just enjoy my time alone to be honest. I also lovvve love love having the whole bed to myself and my cat (he takes up enough room as is bc he loves to lay horizontally haha). I, along with everyone else who has ever existed, have problems that I want to work out in my life before I go out and actively search for a partner. When I need company, I have my friends to pour my love onto! I spend a lot of time with them doing things that are fulfilling such as community work, learning crafts, watching movies and discussing them. I will always save space in my heart to finding someone I love romantically, but for now I am focusing on having fun, building a good friend group, taking care of my mind/body/soul. I've accepted that the romance will come when I am ready for it.

@starlet

Feb 27, 2025

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might not be applicable to your situation but I hope this is helpful in some capacity

i’ve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though i’m not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the “perfect” guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was “perfect”, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that i’m entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, it’s just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, you’ll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe i‘m just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.