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Went to a concert with her and it was cool and sheās great but idk, doesnt feel like the crush is reciprocated and thatās ok! She was a good friend first anyway. Plus saw hinge and bumble on her phone when she tried to show me something so hint taken haha.
Obviously im just trying to convince myself im truly over her this time but Iād be surprised if im officially over it (my sister makes fun of how i go back to this friend once a week). Or maybe iāll use this to hold myself accountable!
Ryan Beatty was good though! Wish he did Powerslide studio version, stripped down was too slow. Time to prep/sob at mitskiās next week (3/28)!
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Backstory: Im crushing so hard on a tattoo artist near my job and am delusionally convinced sheās my soulmate. We coincidentally have matching tattoos of the cover art for faces by mac miller high on the thigh. (for full story go look at my asks)
Update: aightā¦ went to the tattoo shopās 8th anniversary event just to kinda be present and participate in the art community in Puerto Rico bc Iām having trouble finding ppl I relate too and I think I can make friends w them. Didnāt rly get to chat with her much, she was being a little distant and I wasnāt going to corner her or anything. I ended up getting some flash that was super cool. after my tat was finished late that night I went for a walk to shake off the nerves of the pain n shit. Ended up getting a strange feeling to buy a bunch of ice creams for everyone in the tattoo shop party so I walked far as hell and bought like 20-30 ice creams from a 24hr bodega and came back to pass them out to everyone for free. Boom. wonderful success and made so many ppl smile. Now the shop owner n community know me and recognize my chill.
Additionally: I could not get this girl out of my head. Like I never rly date and I fr donāt like talking to girls. Im rly hyper-isolated but itās my own doing. But she Was driving me crazy. I ended up buying her the Book of Mac memoir and planned to give it to her as a gift/tip at our booked tattoo session. I had a feeling that sheād rly like it. But that wasnāt enough. I became manic and over the course of three sessions I made her a mac miller mix. Ive attached it for u all to listen. This mightāve been overkill and I was second guessing it the whole time but I did it anyway because Iām not a pussy.
Finally: get to the tat session and was greeted with a kiss on the cheek (polite and customary for Puerto Ricans but she was rly friendly about it and she initiated). When she finished setting up our station I sit down and pull out the book. Inside the book I had written to: (her name) from: (me) and a short quote from BMO (adventure time) because it kinda just felt right. tell her hey I got this for you, I think I have a crush on you idk, but yeah this is for you. Bruhā¦ she melted. She was like soooooooooooo happy. She had a mask on cuz she was sick but she said underneath she was blushing super hard.
we start the tattoo and I ask if I can just talk to her while she does it. Iām rly shy and not the best at convo but throughout the entire tattoo I just picked her brain to try and get to know her. Bruhā¦ we r so alike. Like mind blowingly alike. Talked about music and movies and clothes. But she was kinda dry and quick w her chatting. It took a while for her to warm up a bit and relax. Plus Iām funny so she was giggling after every other thing I said. Teased her a bit. Flirted a bit. But nothing too heavy. By the end of the tattoo session we were on aux together going back and forth w songs talking about why we like them n stuff. Like at this point I can tell weāre friends. Finally the tat is finished and itās great. Sheās an apprentice and not super experienced but it was exactly what I wanted. As we were saying our goodbyes she thanks me again for the book. I told her I had one more thing to give her but she had to give me her number firstā¦ she freaks out a little bit. I say no pressure obviously, but sheās like āyes pressureā Iām like what?? She gives me her number and gives me a super quick and tight hug. Idk how to describe it but it was like a shy, fast āI need to hug you before anyone seesā hug. as Iām walking out the shop I text her the link to the mix n head home.
I get home, she texts saying thanks for the mix that itās rly cool and thanks again for the book. and thenā¦. She tells me sheās dating someone š„“ and didnāt know how to tell me in person and froze when I asked for her number n if its alright if weāre just friends. I ate that punch, said hey no prob we can be friends, which is totally fine like I fr donāt mind, but the thing is I KNOW MY WHOLE SCHEME WORKED. Like the way she was reacting to me and how comfortable she got and how cool our convo was like I know she recognized how cool I was. And she told me I was rly cool like she texted saying she thinks im cool. So likeā¦ fuck. Idk. and She didnāt even say she has a boyfriend, she just said sheās dating someone so it doesnāt even sound serious. Idk what to do. She didnāt respond to my last text. so this is where we stand. I think I fucked her world up tho. No way sheās not thinking about me now.
What do yall think?
Jul 19, 2024
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I was at the bar and my friend was telling me about this girl that her friend had a crush on and the description sounded vaguely familiar so I asked them to show me her Instagram and she pulled it up and put it on the table. I scrolled through to find a good picture and said āyes I do know her sheās-ā¦right thereā and I looked up and she was running towards me and I screamed her name and we hugged and made a huge scene. Definitely not slick wingman wise but I couldnāt help it because of how much of a coincidence it was.
This girl was constantly on tour up and down the east coast and never in town really so we barely saw each other but always had a good time whenever we did. It was so random and felt cosmic. I introduced her to my friends and she hung out for a bit. Someoneās far away, āunattainableā Instagram crush popping up at the table, as soon shes brought up. It was so cool, Iāll never forget it.
Mar 29, 2024
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I went to this girl that Iāve been seeing for a few month ās show tonight. Shes the drummer and her band was soo good. Iāve listened to them before, but this was the first time I had seen her perform with the band. Iāve watched her play other times at her orchestra concerts and such but damnnnnnnnnn. I was mesmerized by her the whole time. After the show she came up to me before the next band played. Turned out that her parents were there so I had an impromptu meeting with them haha. We hung out the rest of the night until she had to wrap up. She walked me to my car and I drove her back. Itās confusing because we have an emotional connection and sometimes hang out without doing anything but that was the foundation of our relationship. I love sleeping with her, but I can tell we both like eachother to some degree. Iām just worried I like her more than she likes me, and weāre in different phases of our life. I love when weāre sweet together and we sometimes go on dates just to see eachother for a little while. We appear like a couple in public anytime weāre together, so it really messes with my head. I want more than what we have right now, and I canāt tell where weāre heading. Love being a lesbian, but I know my heart is getting wrapped up in this. I just hope this all goes the way it is meant to. š«
Mar 19, 2025
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On letterboxd. Like how do you rate the Virgin Suicides or Killer of the Flower Moon?! So heavy and devastating!
Fully sticking to just saying whether i like a movie or not going forward!
Feb 21, 2024
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Trying out new stuff and getting really into it is tight! Go to a pottery class, teach yourself how to draw, sign up for a race, mod an old ipod!
Jan 25, 2024