i am an excessively sentimental person, probably to a fault, so i try to do it whenever i am able. people don't easily just stop mattering to me and i always hope to make our relationships reflect that, but it definitely takes time to feel normal and isn't possible in every circumstance. taking the appropriate amount of time needed to understand what that person means to you/would treat you like outside of a romantic context, and if that is a healthy dynamic for you, is key. the best friendships with exes are casual, infrequent, and voluntary with no expectation of hanging out or talking every day or anything at all really. just their occasional presence
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i am friends with my most recent ex, we dated for five years and our relationship was basically just friendship at the end. we didnt rly have a break between dating and friendship so there was a weird boundary blur (eg. overly involved emotionally in his life/being his therapist) and i had to take a big step back. definitely take time apart. now we have a lot of distance and hang out once in a while but not too often n it's a good balance of not having any weird grudge post-break up but also not having a strange pseudo emotional relationship still. all this to say... take ur time! listen to ur gut! set boundaries for urself! take space!
Mar 12, 2024
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years ago I treated any former relationship or partner with a disposable nature that did not serve me or them benefit. in hindsight I can see why and how fit for the relationship wasn't ideal - however, I think the root of not being able to stay friends with an ex (in my experiences) have some kind of deficit in behaviors, thoughts, needs, opinions, etc that resulted in the thing ending
you should ask yourself how they made your feel when you were only acquaintances or friends and if that’s feasible to stick around.
on the other hand, friendships fizzle out without any rhyme or reason. if you think this could be a concern down the line it might just be better to ask if you can stay friends and get the answer to the question quickly
Mar 11, 2024
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had times where me and the other person weren’t really in each other’s lives before dating so there wasn’t an existing shared community or anything to keep us in proximity to each other. kinda just follow those folks lightly on socials now but don’t really keep in touch. net zero not the worst.
had one time where the romantic relationship really didn’t work out, just lack of compatibility and not being what the other person needed, but the emotional connection and proximity/availability kept us both coming back to each other to maintain the relationship platonically. kind of resulted in a messy situation where boundaries were unclear and that just lead to more hurt and confusion than had we dealt with being apart and feeling alone in the moment and then come back together as friends after letting time pass. ultimately ended up cutting that person out of my life entirely after moving away and realizing in retrospect that I had allowed this person to violate a lot of my personal boundaries for the sake of feeling like I had someone I could confide in, and that they were taking advantage of me being a pushover to feel wanted/not alone.
all this to say, ask yourself: what is it that this person brings to your life outside of what comes exclusively from the romantic aspect of the relationship? if this person was simply available to you to spend time together, seek company from existing friends, or find a new community to be a part of. if this person was a close confidant and understood you in a way you felt seen by, maybe practice more vulnerability with your current friends/family/whoever and ask yourself what it is that makes you feel seen/appreciated in those relationships? seek that out! in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, it’s going to seem like there is no one else that can take the space that person is leaving. but that doesn’t have to be the case, and investing in the non-romantic relationships you already have can address the valid needs that you have and strengthen your existing connections. romantic love is important, but other forms of love are just as fulfilling and crucial to your thriving! maybe with time you will come to notice that this person had something you value nonromantically and hopefully y’all can find a new place for each other in your lives, and that can be very rewarding! or maybe you will realize this person met certain unaddressed needs in the moment that you can find in other relationships. don’t feel the need to keep em around if that’s the case.
Mar 12, 2024
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Feb 24, 2024
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they're just some guy. but they're also cute and nice and make u feel admired and don't judge u for all the things u judge urself for. u can show them all your favorite things and learn all of theirs and also u can kiss them
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