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i missed when rock climbing and not texting back became cool, but things have been good this week. i turned 21 and it’s been warm enough in february to remind me that the world is ending soon. i too, like the fool, fall for the early warmth. i can’t help the fact that i love the way the sun feels on the tops of my cheeks and the silent tension we have when we walk back to your apartment. empty promises are easier to overlook when we’re laying in the park and reflecting on being 20.
beer still tastes okay and the clinking of my roommate doing dishes in the sink at 1:39 am is comforting. do you think i will ever be old enough for you to love?
Feb 28, 2024
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the light shining through my 11 dollar wine bottle and hitting my 20 almost 21 year face while i sit and write this at my 37 year old kitchen island my mother gave me is so beautiful. it feels like a friday afternoon at 4 pm. the condensation on the mason jar i’m drinking out of stings comfortably. i’m hyper aware of my heartbeat and how i can hear my neighbors having sex because the walls are so thin. my life has somehow passed coming of age movie and become full on guerrilla warfare. the sunlight is starting to fade, the sun is moving and no longer reflecting perfectly off the all glass skyscrapers into my 20th century window anymore. it’s also 5 pm. the light has fully faded from my kitchen so i will retreat to our living room.
Feb 9, 2024
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happy (early?) birthday!! 🎉 Idk what advice to give because i feel like the 20-somethings now are more emotionally aware than the 20-somethings from even as recent as a decade ago, but tune into your body, give yourself grace, and listen to others’ stories without feeling pressured to model your life after someone else’s. & if you don’t know what you want your life to look like yet that’s okay! ❤️
At 21 I was in my senior year of college and engaged to be married within the year after graduation. In the southern religious environment we were in this wasn’t abnormal, but in retrospect that was soooo young to get married and I don’t think I would have so quickly if I hadn’t been so desperate to get out of a problematic family situation that involved some financial abuse. Despite changing A LOT over the past decade+ my partner and I are still together, and I look back at 21 as a time when I most followed the social script expected of me and coasted on that for a while, until it all started to fall apart (in an ultimately good if devastating way) when I became a mom at 24.
tl;dr: my 21 was tame and mellow and happy but i had no idea who i was or what i could be and now i do have a stronger sense of that at 32 and that feels better
Jun 11, 2024
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and this has been the most difficult year of my life 2 date. but hey. i am stronger for it. i'm lucky to have found who i can count on and i'm learning to do what makes my soul happy. after school in may 2023 i moved back home to NYC and while parts of that felt like a homecoming i also felt spit out into the World directionless and freaked. but i've been finding my sea legs and keep reminding myself this is the widest breadth of life i've ever lived. young adulthood is wack which simply builds character.
21 taught me that EVERY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO DIG INWARD. as i approach the end of this year, i can say i truly know myself.
happy almost (?) birthday <3
Jun 11, 2024
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Feb 8, 2025
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the ban in the USA was never gonna be real (propaganda for pres trump) but it was a good excuse to cut down on my screen time
Feb 8, 2025
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new friend whos also from new england reminded me of how good it was
Feb 13, 2024