over the past two years iāve gotten quite good at speaking to new people, and in the past six months iāve made it one of my favorite traits. i tell people i love their hair when iām behind them at line at the shops. i befriended an older lady on the train home from work, we laughed and exchanged stories on the crowded rush hour car. i built a relationship with the lady at sandwich place near my work, to the point where she calls out my nickname (veggie melt) when i walk in, and gave me a free sandwich the day i lost my wallet. i draw her pictures every time, and the other day she offered me freelance illustration work as a result. there is so much beauty and possibility around us, so many stories we can unlock by talking to strangers. when im old and withered, i will mark my years by how many little threads iāve woven into my life, how many gold links iāve started by an innocuous interaction with somebody i simply hadnāt known yet.
Feb 26, 2024
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TLDR: there are friends everywhere for those with eyes to see
I think one consequence of urbanism is a sense of alienation or otherness from oneās neighbors, and especially from strangers. the average person you pass on the street is assumed to have little in common with you with which to establish a mutual connection. maybe this is a consequence of me living in the south, but iāve been finding that most people are happy to start a light conversation in public.
ive been making a practice of being in public spaces with a posture of openness to interaction. no earbuds in, making light convo with people like service workers that goes beyond the transaction, striking up convos with people who are sharing a space iām in, etc. most recently I stopped on a park bench at a skatepark during a bike ride and struck up a convo with a skater who beefed a trick and was describing in great detail how it happened and his history with skating. shout out cole I hope your collar bone isnāt broken.
these arenāt the same as a deep, intentional community that one has with close friends/peers (that comes from seeking out, plugging in, and showing up consistently), but seeing everyone around you as a possibility for human connection until proven otherwise makes one feel less lonely. thereās an intentionality in having a posture of openness to connection that can become a self fulfilling prophecy. itās easy nowadays to feel like we live in social archipelagos, with our own clusters of friends and loved ones with little connecting each group to each other and little connection to others everywhere around us. but your average person is just as interesting and worth getting to know as anyone else. be curious, be cordial, and start integrating casual momentary connections into your life to tide you over between the deeper relationships in your life you might not have access to all the time
May 4, 2025
yes, this is primarily for the purposes of well, reading, BUT..
i will say in the last couple of years nearly every time i am doing this out in the city an older person, between 70-90, will stop me to ask what iām reading. often followed by a comment of āyoung people just donāt read out and about anymoreā. this simple and sweet interaction has led to some of the most wonderful (sometimes hours long) conversations with folks who simply want to talk. about your book but then your life and interests and then their life, some incredible things they have done and pass on some of their beautiful life stories and sage advice.
i never feel more connected to humanity than in these happenstance conversations, learning new things about the world through the lens of someone who i likely would have never otherwise met.
i have managed to keep in touch with a few of these folks iāve met through the years and it is one of my biggest sources of joy. and occasionally snap a portrait of them too, meet Dion, 84, from San Francisco here š
Apr 23, 2024
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whenever iām waiting in line, or walking next to someone, i love to try start a conversation. just say hi, try to make some small talk and see what happens. sometimes its awkward, but sometimes we really hit it off. its scary at first but ive found im always glad i did it. usually i donāt even get their name - its just nice getting to know someone
May 22, 2024
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i felt so wiped i considered cancelling the first date i scheduled with a girl. but i made a couple cups of coffee, showered, powered through. and we collaged the whole night away, talking and laughing and staying up til we fell asleep together on my couch at 5AM. her voice is so lovely. i havenāt felt so Myself with someone new in so long.
Mar 15, 2024
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every day is another anniversary and i will not do myself the disservice of shutting out how i feel about it. the only person we hurt by tamping down our pain in private is ourself
Feb 6, 2024
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you will end up falling in love over a pint and dancing all the way home
Feb 21, 2024