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A recurring problem: being a little frazzled when I get back to work after my break finishes. I’ve made a ritual of the above (based on a bit I remembered from Persepolis). Lent means I’m trying to quit smoking again, so I replaced the cigarette with nicotine pouches.
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Ever since I quit nicotine I don't deprive myself of a cigarette when I feel like I really need it. So it hits different, because when my emotional state is low all it takes is a cig break to feel like I'm confronting whatever it is that's weighing me down. This system is fool-proof. Sometimes I think I'm low enough for a cigarette then decide I'm not quite sad enough. So when I do smoke it's because I'm crying & absolutely losing it. Because my smoke breaks are spontaneous, I can't quite plan for them, leading to unfinished packs & a plethora of lighters. Funny enough, each lighter coincides with whatever was making me feel awful that day making it a journal of sorts for my feelings. My fav is the "take me with you" lighter because well.. I really related to that when I bought it. There's also something really protagonist-y about walking into a gas station, eyes puffy & tears streaming down your face & asking for a pack of camel menthols ... oh & a swag lighter.
Sep 19, 2024
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i like to switch up how I get them, but I always do. Like I’m on zyns and painting at the moment, but not too long ago it was cigs and music. Maybe nicotine gum and short fiction is next. Also some days I don’t have time to create much, maybe only work on something for 10 min, but that can be enough. I’m pretty consistent with the nicotine though
Mar 25, 2025
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i stopped buying them. but whenever i got a craving i’d go to my usual spots (balcony, outside a bar, etc.) and i’d pop a peppermint in my mouth and then i’d stand with my one arm crossed and the other arm posed kind of like i was loosely holding a cig (it’s hard to describe, but i feel like you know what im talking about)
then for the length of time it took me to eat the peppermint, i’d stand and scroll on my phone or chit chat with my smoking friends. taking deep breaths. basically miming having a cigarette. i’d also often chew on a straw, lollipop stick or toothpick. honestly it’s kind of cunt.
also, my dad quit smoking at 77 and said he said he couldn’t have done it without the nic lozenges
Jan 15, 2025
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I’m so rabbitpilled.
Feb 22, 2024
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you’re free, but at what cost?
Mar 8, 2024
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I love Sufjan Stevens, Tori Amos, Mitski, the Carpenters, etc. a lot, but for about a week and a half a month, I’ll only listen to classical music. It’s like an acid peel for the soul, and I always feel refreshed afterwards. You have to be really making an effort to classicalmaxx as well & trade up your standard compilation choices for Lawes, Saariaho, Dutilleux, Lutyens, Gesualdo, etc.
Feb 27, 2024