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today i learned my mom used to work at this alcohol distribution place back in her home country when she was a young adult, running numbers and things like that, all pretty much on her own too, for like six years. it’s crazy that there’s still so much about my mom, my family, that i don’t know; even crazier that i’ve allowed my insecurities about my people skills and a whacked out three-year diet of twitter, youtube videos, oversleeping and deliberate isolation to make me think that i don’t like talking with people--that i’m not good at talking to people--even when it’s my own family. but i don’t think my mom nor any of my other relatives care about whether i’m “good” at this or not; they like feeling seen; they like sharing things that they care about; they like that someone cares about what they care about. and that’s all that should matter.
Jan 27, 2024
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🪆idk mine is pretty cool so it’s always great to see her. trying to not take that for granted
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♥️As I get older I am reminded of how little time I might actually have with everyone in my immediate family. I’ve been married for 8 years now (yes, we were the 22 year old married couple ok) which means I’ve been out of my family home for almost a decade. I see my mom & dad & siblings about once a week, but that isn’t always consistent. I’m sure my siblings will get married and move to wherever they need to go, or maybe even just move out and move further from where we are. My parents aren’t likely to retire near me, so that means I won’t have them within a 25 minute drive forever. They also aren’t immortal. At near 60, as morbid as it sounds, it isn’t like I’ll have them around for my whole adult life. It’s strange because as a kid I didn’t love spending time with my family. But now I just feel so safe and secure and loved even if they’re just around me, sitting on my couch in our home. Idk! It’s a Friday night rambling session and I’m emotional AF. If you have family and you’re close, make time for them please. And if you aren’t close but would like to be, reach out if you can and see what happens. Idk!
May 24, 2024
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💫we’re watching soaps together (young and the restless, bold and the beautiful). she and her mom used to watch the same shows together when she was younger. it’s a happy memory for her. whenever i’m at work, mom texts me updates from the show. it’s a very sweet ritual we’ve just started. it’s fun to watch her reminisce about old storylines and explain who everyone is to me. we’ve started a new soap together called beyond the gates. even more special to begin the show with her. a new tradition built upon an old one. i look at my mom as a treasure of information of which i’ll never reach the bottom. she’s getting older, and i keep thinking about how one day, i’ll wish i’d been nicer, or more open, or taken out my headphones to listen to her talk just to talk. on days when those thoughts are overwhelming, i settle for spending time with her in the calm afternoon of her lunch break and listening to her talk about phyllis and victor and jill and cricket. sometimes, she talks over the show, but tbh i’m more interested in what she has to say than the storylines.
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🤸perfect for casually communicating how mentally unwell you’re feeling (“starting to realize this cycle of anger, despair, then shrugging it off for the sake of performing normalcy, and repeat may not be the healthiest 🤸‍♀️”), perfect for sarcasm (“gee i wonder 🤸‍♀️ why 🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ that is”), and perfect for sincerity (“so random but so normal, i do wanna say ~for the record~ that i do appreciate you wanting me to be here. in life. with you. and other such things 🤸‍♀️”). it’s equal parts charming, unserious, and athletically impressive.
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🥛my left ear’s been clogged for about a week and a half. tonight i decided to drink one of my cartons of chocolate milk. i must’ve sipped from the straw a little too fast because i started hiccuping. all of a sudden i was hearing an intense hissing sound to my left with HD clarity, and i’m like oh god, is that me? no, it was just my heater, but i could hear my heater out of the left side of my head now! god bless! thank you, boxed silk dark chocolate almond milk, for freeing me 🙏
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🖨been thinking a bit about the impermanence of the internet a bit lately. about how saddened i felt when i found out wear your voice’s website shut down and i couldn’t access a really foundational piece for me anymore, and how happy i was when i found out there was an archive. digital media’s always hanging on a ledge, and i’ve gotten so used to feeling like it’s not.
i would’ve thought going as far as to print out a piece that you like would be “too much,” but i mean if you really love it... what’s wrong with expressing that somehow?