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Jan 2, 2024
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I KNOW IT SHOULDN’T BE THIS WAY | Poem Spoken Word • Alyssa Pacheco
I know it shouldn’t
be this way.
but the few days a year I’m asked to pray
I can’t help but think of other things…
as heads bow
and choirs sing..
and the thing is…
I don’t mean to, you see - it’s the constant distractions… you know what I mean.
my thoughts wander, and wonder
— flit-flee-about —
I'm avoiding confession…I'm
Hail Mary-ed out…
I don't mean to be crass, and
maybe in my lives past, I didn’t question what warrants a sin -
when I didn’t fuss or
fit over Catholic guilt duty orders
and faithfully dropped to
bruised knees, in amen.
it’s those to-do list distractions;
time’s ticking refractions, as the
sun casts cool shadows on the
front row of pews.
And I tune in and out, mostly
when he soft shouts -
but his holy statements
make me feel nothing new.
His sermon seems sour,
lasts past half an hour -
but I can’t make sense of
Monsignor’s intentions.
Please,
shake hands with your neighbor,
wish them godliest favors - and
pray we act in ways which won’t require repenting…
…before next mass?
our honest eyes ask…
Why, yes dear, we’re all just pretending..
So, we come here when egos need mending..
…to feel more full-up
consuming body and blood
of a man who we hope one day
comes to save us.
But I learned at age ten,
don’t count on savior from men,
in the end we must all
save ourselves.
Still, I close my eyes
and I whisper - soft smile -
“world without end, amen.”
Praying one day that man still ascends.
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