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I would pay a monthly subscription to talk to her
Dec 27, 2023

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Did you know CO STAR is AI generated and designed to abuse its subscribers with fear tactics, using astrological scare tactics to create buzz? And The Pattern is also AI bullshit. If you actually want real astrological readings from an app, inclusive of meditation practices and journal prompts, tailored to you, with an audio format read by the astrologer herself, CHANI, then get this app. There are also hundreds (dozens?!) of meditations and affirmations recorded. I fall asleep to her voice every single night. Also +++ she’s queer and cool and this is her life’s work. Worth every penny.
Aug 7, 2023
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I was referred to Asher Hartman by my friend Rachel who was referred to him by some other woowoo bitch and boy am I grateful everyday! He reads your chakras over Zoom and records it so you can have the reading forever. I listen to mine from a year ago all the time and can't wait to go back. He told me that my mother had the energy of a deflated soufflé and that my overall energy was that of the butterfly that the guy in New Yorker logo is looking at through his monocle mixed with post-kidnapping Patty Hearst! This is so real!
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lemme tell you nothing will make you feel more ancient royal than Chani and her app. why yes, I do have a private astrologer, you don’t?
May 8, 2025

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