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As a very important celebrity with great tits and perfect politics, I’m so charmed when people take the time to share their recognition of my worth publicly. Not to keep simping for Daddy Google (Larry baby hit my line, I miss you), but my impeccable press is the most enduring and meaningful monument to the fabulous, offensively wealthy, and very glamorous life I’ve built for myself. Not my kids.
May 17, 2023
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👑Recently, I’ve been listening to or watching Joan Rivers standup and red carpet demolitions. She is so damn funny. I love her shockingly harsh comedic approach and roasting. My brain seems to be wired similarly to hers; mostly in her blatant honesty. She used to really speak her mind on red carpet critiques…Today everyone treads around on eggshells, it’s all so celebratory, confirming, and inclusive when it comes to fashion critiques. She was so real and hysterical as a commentator and told it like it is. I don’t think it will ever be the same again and hasn’t been since she died. I recently found a reality show she did with her daughter Melissa, called ‘Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best’ from 2005 on the E network, and it's just phenomenal.
Mar 13, 2024
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📱Bethenny Frankel is the true queen of the Real Housewives, and her TikTok is just as good as Bravo. Mostly it’s Bethenny looking hot and reviewing beauty products with profanity and gusto, but lately, for whatever reason, she’s also started reviewing things like… fast food coffee and cans of tuna? It’s brilliant and batshit. Sometimes she shares her thoughts on the culture, which are the best, such as her thoughts on Harry and Meghan. I don’t like them either. But I love Bethenny.
Jan 23, 2023
Top Recs from @elena-velez
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⛪�The “Majestic Plural” form invoked by sovereigns and single founder startups. The theory is that a royal we includes both the king and the god he speaks for, or in the entrepreneurs case, a never ending supply of proficient human resource, but if I'm letting y’all behind the velvet curtain my royal we is me and my feminine phobia of being singularly culpable.
May 17, 2023
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🛄I don’t even have one of these things and they're only like a hundred dollars but I never buy one because sometimes you just need something to perennially look forward to. I can’t bear to shatter the illusion that the capable and unencumbered professional woman I could be by owning a mid-sized structured rolling bag might be a foundationless reverie. But y’all should get one these shits, they look mad practical! I pitched a very left handed collab, and they gave *us* a very gentle swerve but offered a consolation coupon code which is LOVE10 and that’s on mutual aid, sweaties.
May 17, 2023
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👅Everyone thought they were so cute asking about my pregnancy cravings until I replied with “chemical burns”. I had all of these crazy compulsions towards acidic scents and flavors like mouthwash, detergent, essential oils, cleaning supplies, gasoline.. I settled on becoming a gum connoisseur and this is my go-to. I only chew for the 15 second initial flavor burst since I’m after the burn and also think gum is a disgusting habit and anyone who chews gum for over 2 minutes is a repugnant pig and should seek to know what god knows. Delicious gum. 11/10.
May 17, 2023